A Series of Romantic Events
by ProudDyspraxicWriter
Summary: In an alternative universe in which A Series of Unfortunate Events does not occur, the budding relationship between an eccentric herpetologist and a mousy dowager brings a series of romantic events instead. Rated T for nudity and sexual references.
1. The Magical Meeting

A Series of Romantic Events

The wind against him, Dr. Montgomery's clothes clung to his body as the torrential rain fell hard and fast, soaking every inch of him. Breathless, he bravely continued to conquer Mount Fraught on foot – since his car had given up on him a few miles back. He was more than determined to do so, especially after he had recently discovered a new breed of snake which he had named the Incredibly Deadly Viper, though he was curious to know why he'd been called to the VFD headquarters at such a late hour. Noticing the parked cars nearby led him to believe that this must be serious and important. He reached the hidden door in the rock, giving him a sense of accomplishment, and he shook the water out of his receding, red-dyed hair like a wet dog. He curled his fingers until he made a tight fist, which he used to knock hard on the door four times. A compartment slid open, revealing a pair of pristine blue eyes that spied on him suspiciously.

" Dr. Montgomery Montgomery," the herpetologist announced proudly but discreetly.

The door swung open, letting him into a different world altogether; a world of solving crimes and secrets and disguises. He was surprised to see many of the fellow members and his close companions – some of which he hadn't seen in a long time. Most of them were standing around making small talk in the vast lobby, while the others were sitting on the sofas in the corner, drinking free beverages and eating free snacks. There was Charles Stoppard from Lucky Smells Lumbermill chatting to Jerome Squalor and Dewey Denouement having an intense discussion with Captain Widdershins. Geraldine Julienne – a bothersome reporter he did not care much for – could be seen in the corner, sipping an aqueous martini with a lit cigarette in her right hand. After a moment, his gaze fell upon the Snicket siblings who all looked perfectly content, even after the series of unfortunate events that occurred in their childhoods and adolescent years.

" Hello, Monty!" Kit greeted, her smile practically shining with delight as the eyes behind her glasses shimmered brightly.

" Did you hear the news?" asked Lemony, twitching with anticipation.

" It's fantastic!" Jacques commented, gnashing his teeth as he grinned.

" No, I haven't. I've been too busy organising my expedition to Peru. What's happened? Is it good news?" Monty answered, that familiar feeling of confusion creeping up on him. He'd always felt left out when there was something exciting going on. He would always hear about it afterwards.

" Well, you're going to love it!" Jacques said.

Before he could say any more, their aunt Justice Strauss appeared by the door, silencing all the people with her sudden presence. Her medium-length greying curly hair down by her cheeks, her large round blue eyes shone brightly with joy. She was still wearing her judge's uniform after spending all day in court. She looked exhausted but wore a pleased, satisfied facial expression. She greeted her niece and nephews with a warm hug and a kiss before she spoke to the eagerly-awaiting crowd.

" I think you know why you're all here this evening and I'm glad that you could make it," she said in a loud, clear voice, smiling sweetly at her guests. " Last week around three in the afternoon, Count Olaf was caught setting fire to the Baudelaire Mansion. The fire department was called, but there was not much damage. Beatrice and Bertrand got out safely, though their children were not present during this time – it seems that they thought it was a good day to visit the beach! The police apprehended Olaf at the scene of the crime and his accomplices were soon detained some time after. I have just given him a very long jail sentence. We won't have to deal with him for about twenty years or so."

The crowd erupted with excitement, their ecstasy exploding out of the top of their heads like lava from a volcano. As they cheered and celebrated, it felt as though Monty's heart was about to burst through his chest with exhilaration. Olaf had been bothering the good members of VFD since the day Kit ended their relationship twenty years before. Now they all could put their minds at rest, knowing that there was no way of him or his crew breaking into their homes and harming their families. As the crowd ceased their applause, Monty lost focus for a moment or two to look at their smiling faces, which was something he enjoyed to do in a crowded area. But in the corner of the room he noticed a beautiful woman with long blonde hair that was tied up in a tight bun. She was sitting on one of the comfortable sofas, gazing around the large room with fright in her wide, watery azure eyes. She was very thin, her long skinny arms bending at the elbow like a twig as she rested her head in the palm of her hand. Her skin was smooth and clear and white as snow. But to Monty, there was something extremely captivating about her, which he refused to ignore. Being the kind old soul that he was, he detached himself from the group and walked tall and proud over to her to see if she was all right. He sat in the seat beside her, his lips slightly curled as he smiled. The woman gave a subtle whimper of terror and found a spot to look at on the wall, determined not to make eye contact.

" Are you all right, Miss? You seem a little lost," he said in a soft, quiet voice.

The woman slowly turned her head to face him. " I'm afraid," she squeaked, " since the death of my husband, I'm no longer welcome here."

When she uttered those heart-achingly poignant words, the herpetologist suddenly realised who she was. She was Josephine Anwhistle, a former daredevil and adrenaline junkie, who lived by Lake Lachrymose with her husband, Ike, until recently. He'd heard about the tragedy that had befallen her now-dead husband. He'd also heard that she had become afraid of everything that stood in her way, but he didn't fully understand what exactly 'everything' meant. Looking at her in this moment, his heart filled with empathy. He smiled gently again, resting a fat hand on her bony shoulder.

" You are always welcome here. This is VFD. You're always safe here," he whispered. Josephine smiled at him in thanks. " Now," he went on to say, " let's get you a glass of water."

" Oh, that would be most kind, sir. Thank you," she simpered politely, giving him a subtle nod of the head.

" Glad to, m'dear!" he cried cheerfully as he removed himself from the seat.

Walking over to the drinking fountain, he began to hum a jolly tune, occasionally glancing over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of Josephine. She _was _beautiful. He picked up a plastic cup from the pile beside the fountain and he pressed a button and soon, the water came gushing out. He was so preoccupied with his daydream that he didn't realise the water was beginning to overflow in the cup. Letting out a cry of surprise, he stumbled over his own shoes as he tried to shake the water off his sleeves. Embarrassed, he glanced over to Josephine again to make sure she wasn't watching. She wasn't – thank goodness. After a few seconds, he felt composed and he marched the water back to where she was sitting, only to spill it all over the floor, making her roar with laughter.

" Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Mrs. Anwhistle. Let me refill it!" he cried, his fat cheeks turning red.

" No, no, you don't need to do that!" she replied, wiping the tears away from her eyes.

" I'm afraid I'm not very co-ordinated," he explained somewhat sheepishly.

" That's quite all right, sir," she said softly. " Accidents happen."

" There's no need for you to call me 'sir'. I'm Monty. Monty Montgomery," he said, outstretching his hand, lowering himself back on the sofa.

" Oh, yes. You're the herpetologist. I'm Josephine Anwhistle," she answered, shaking his hand in return.

Monty grinned. " So, what do you think about Olaf being sent to jail then?" he asked after a brief pause.

" I think it's wonderful. I was always afraid that he might kill me in my sleep."

" You don't have to worry about that anymore," he replied. " Olaf got what he deserved. He went here, you know, as a teenager. I worked here at the time, you see. He was nothing but a troublemaker and a bully. He used to pick on this boy called Kevin. We have the same learning disability, so I took care of him."

Josephine let out a theatrical gasp, clapping her hand to her mouth. " Oh, that poor boy!" she whispered. " May I ask, what kind of disability do you have?" she asked curiously when the shock had passed.

" Dyspraxia. Basically the brain is wired differently than everyone else's. We have problems with comprehension and it takes us a little longer to process things. But the things we're good at, we're _very _good at," he explained.

" Oh, how interesting!"

" We're often not good speakers. I had a severe stutter when I was a boy and even now, sometimes, I get tongue-tied around people I don't know very well," he rattled on.

The younger woman gave a perplexed look. " You speak perfectly fine to me."

Confused, Monty made a noise, indicating that he was thinking deeply. " Well, that's…Th-uh, oh, um," he stuttered, trying to find the right words.

A small smile spread across her lips, covering it slightly with the tips of her long slender fingers in order to mask her childlike giggles. She leant forwards and gently patted his arm. " Take a deep breath and release it slowly," she said as softly as she could.

Monty, feeling somewhat foolish, drew a breath, holding it for a second or two before letting it out in a long, audible exhale. " Maybe it's because you're so nice; I feel comfortable with you already," he muttered shyly, his face turning pink with embarrassment.

Josephine chuckled, blushing so violently that it looked as though someone had painted her face bright scarlet. " You don't have to lie to spare my feelings. No one wants to be around me. They say I'm too paranoid, amongst other things." Here, she heaved a sigh of misery.

" It's good to be paranoid. When my team and I are in the jungle tracking an animal down, we have no choice but to be paranoid in case one of us gets hurt," he answered reassuringly.

" The jungle? That sounds rather frightening!" she whimpered.

Monty smiled. " Why don't I tell you more about it at my house? It's only about an hour from here."


	2. The Harmonious Heart

" Dammit. Stupid door," Monty grumbled as he clumsily kicked the front door open.

Josephine gave a nervous squeak. " Are you sure there aren't any splinters on the edge of the door?" she asked worriedly.

" Yes," he said. He felt rather amused by her long lists of fears and phobias.

" And the, uh…" She trailed off, pointing at the doormat with a terrified expression on her pale face.

" Oh, I'll move that for you. Don't you worry, Mrs. Anwhistle." He reached down and pulled the doormat out of the way, so she could enter his home without being scared of falling and breaking her back.

As she stepped inside and Monty began to take off his coat, making noise as he did so, Josephine froze, hearing muffled, strange noises. Monty came to her, looking concerned.

" Are you OK?"

" What-What's that noise?" she gasped, her voice hoarse with fright.

" Hmm? Oh, that. It's my reptile room. Come this way, I'll show you!" he answered, grinning from ear to ear.

" Reptile what?" cried Josephine, her timid blue eyes widening.

" It's where I keep my snakes so I can study them," he replied enthusiastically. He turned and saw the petrified expression on the poor woman's face. " There's nothing to worry about," he reassured her.

" Don't snakes have big, sharp fangs? And poisonous venom?" she squeaked, hiding behind her large navy blue anorak as she backed away.

" Well, some of them do, yes," Monty said. " They're kept in high-security cages with no way of escaping. As I said, there's absolutely nothing to worry about."

" Are you sure?"

Monty nodded his head, smiling as he beckoned to her. Nervously, Josephine stepped forward and clasped his comforting hand tightly, hoping having someone there would give her the confidence to conquer her fears. He led her down the hallway, passing the kitchen and dining room as he went, and reached his destination. Grinning with a mad glint in his eyes, he pushed the door open. When she saw the countless cages full of croaking frogs and hissing snakes and lizards, Josephine cowered, the hair standing up on the back of her neck. She grabbed Monty's arm and she squeezed it so tightly that the circulation could have been cut off. He didn't mind, though. He felt proud of her for facing her fears of reptiles, despite the fact that they had only just met. Slowly but surely, the meek timid woman began to step closer to the cages to get a better look while the herpetologist was telling her interesting but unimportant facts about them. But then he took her over to the Incredibly Deadly Viper's cage.

" This, my dear, is the Incredibly Deadly Viper. He isn't really fierce. He's a very gentle snake and he loves being cuddled," he said, noticing the nervous look on her face.

" But he's deadly! Incredibly deadly!" she gasped, backing away again.

" No, no. I called him that to play a prank on my colleagues at the Herpetological Society," he explained. " It's all right. Trust me." He turned to the cage and with a smile on his round face, he began calling the snake. " Snake-y, snake-y, snake-y! Come on out! I know you're hiding!"

The long, scaly black creature appeared from behind some vegetation. It slithered closer to its master, hissing loudly, its long red tongue protruding from its large mouth. It seemed to smile politely at Monty's guest, making her shriek with terror. The sudden sound of the woman's screams made the snake jump and Monty gave a small chuckle to himself. Curiously, the Incredibly Deadly Viper stretched its head out and studied Josephine closely, its shiny emerald eyes narrowing suspiciously. Monty unlocked the door and pulled it out, carefully, to hold it.

" Who's my boy? Who's my boy?" he mumbled cheerfully, the snake coiling around his arm. " You're a handsome fella, aren't ya? Yes!" he continued as he affectionately stroked the top of the Incredibly Deadly Viper's head. Then he did something that Josephine didn't expect him to. He kissed him gently on the nose, the snake approving by making a purring-type sound. " Here's Josephine. She's a little afraid, but she's my friend. Be nice to her, OK?" he whispered softly. The snake nodded its head as if it had understood what was being said.

" Oh, I don't want to hold him," she answered as Monty had offered it for her to hold.

" I know you're scared, but he really is lovely."

" O-OK. I'll tr-try."

Monty held out the snake while Josephine breathed in and out for several minutes in order to compose herself. Whimpering and trembling, she forced her hand forwards. Waiting patiently, Monty mentally encouraged her, hoping with all his might that she would do this. Then, at last, she touched Incredibly Deadly Viper's black scaly skin. It felt slimy and unpleasant against her own skin, and she couldn't shake the feeling that the creature might suddenly attack, but she grinned somewhat nervously. Monty watched her, the pride swelling within him. As she continued to stroke the snake, and as it made satisfied hissing noises, an odd urge awoke in the herpetologist. It was an urge that he hadn't felt in years, which he thought he'd never feel again. Josephine's bright blue eyes shimmered brightly as she smiled and laughed with pride. Her blonde hair was neat and healthy and her lips were pale but sumptuous. He had only known her for little over an hour and he knew that she was different than the other women he'd previously dated.

His throat closing up, Monty swallowed hard, his palms becoming damp with sweat. His heart raced with excitement. He cleared his throat before speaking. " Would you mind if I kissed you?" he asked, blushing violently.

Josephine froze, her face dropping in surprise. After a brief moment, she took the Incredibly Deadly Viper in her arms and placed it back into its cage. Smiling, she let Monty give her a quick romantic kiss on the lips. There were no fireworks wildly going off in their heads nor was there any overly dramatic operatic singing. To be frank, it was nothing like what they expected it to be. It was simply them in this moment, with only the Incredibly Deadly Viper sheepishly averting its eyes. No more words were exchanged between them after that. Even as Monty had given Josephine a slice of his infamous Coconut Cream cake, they couldn't help but grin at one another. He drove her home by Lake Lachrymose, where she would weep with joy all night and day for the next week. When he returned home to his sanctuary and as he changed clothes for bed, the beauty of that simple little peck stung his lips, and even though he didn't know it yet, the rest of his life would never be the same again.


	3. The Concerned Comrade

The white satin moon hung high in the charcoal-black sky with pride as he watched the budding lovers who lay on their backs below. The blades of grass tickling her bare arms, Josephine let out a melodious laugh, the beauty of it enchanting Monty's senses. Her luscious locks of gold, released from her tight bun, spread around her head making it look like a halo. Her eyes, blue like sapphires, shone brighter than the stars that showered upon her glowing face. She moved closer to Monty's relaxed body and she sighed softly. Grinning, Monty wrapped his protective arms around her, planting a loving kiss on her forehead.

" Dr. Montgomery!" called a faint voice.

There was sudden explosion in Dr. Montgomery's world as he shot up straight in bed, his soft brown eyes sleepy and blurred as he blindly fumbled around in order to find his spectacles. When he put them on his face, he went to the bedroom window to see who had called his name, waking him up from his very romantic dream. He saw his friend, Jerome Squalor, standing on the doorstep, elaborately dressed in denim jeans, denim shirt, denim jacket and even a denim tie.

Monty waved to grab his attention. " I'll be right down! Give me a minute!"

Swiftly, the herpetologist snatched his dressing gown off the coat hanger in his wardrobe and slipped it on, dashing down the stairs within moments, almost tripping over Izzie the iguana as he went. The door ringing consistently, he ran to meet Jerome.

" What time do you call this?" Jerome said in a joking manner. He held up his digital pocket watch which read 12:27pm.

Monty gasped, clapping a fat hand to his fat cheek. " Was I really asleep all that time?" he asked himself in surprise. Monty was a man of routine and order and that day was the rare exception where he overslept.

" You must have been," Jerome answered, raising an eyebrow in disgust at his friend's revealing, lime-green robe.

" Anyway, do come in, Jerome," he continued, welcoming his guest inside.

" Thank you."

" What, um, what's with the get up?" the man asked hesitantly, vaguely gesturing to Jerome's denim ensemble.

" It's Esme, my new wife."

" Oh, yes!" cried Monty. " I remember your letter. Congratulations!"

" Thank you," Jerome said again, blushing slightly. " Well, she's very into fashion and apparently denim clothing is 'in' at the moment. I don't know too much about it, though, she insisted that purchase a new suit. And you know how I don't like arguments…"

" It doesn't look very comfortable," Monty commented.

" It's not," Jerome said quickly, wriggling uncomfortably. " These denim boxer shorts are really chafing me! Ouch! Anyway," he went on, wincing, " the reason I came is because the Snickets and I are concerned about you," he said kindly but firmly.

Monty frowned. " I'm fine. Why be so concerned?"

" I understand your communication problems, but you barely uttered two words to us. We saw you talking to that Anwhistle woman. You know I don't want to argue, but you know who she is, don't you?" he asked.

Monty nodded his head slowly, not entirely sure if he had understood.

" Her husband died under rather strange circumstances in August and she's been playing the innocent, grieving widow ever since, saying she's afraid of _everything_. She's crazy. She's not well at all. The Snickets and I agreed that it's best if you avoid her."

Monty's jaw dropped. " You're not suggesting she-"

" You're arguing with me!" Jerome snapped, trembling as he dabbed his sweaty forehead with his denim handkerchief.

" Oh, I'm sorry, Jerome. I didn't mean to. It's just that I invited her over here last night and she seems pretty genuine to me. She's a lovely woman. I may ask her out on a date," he said with a dreamy look in his eyes.

Jerome gasped, his grey eyes growing large behind his glasses. " I don't think that's a good idea," he said nervously.

Monty frowned again, but this time, in anger. He opened his mouth to start an argument, but he stopped himself just in time. Instead he said, " Rumours or not, Josephine needs a friend right now. She deserves that. When Jai died, I had no one. It's the least I can do for her."

Jerome smiled apologetically. " Maybe you're right," he sighed, feeling bad that he couldn't have been there for Monty, even though he was just three years old at the time.

The herpetologist smiled and asked, " Are you here against your will?"

" Well, I didn't really want to come, but the Snickets asked me to. I didn't want to argue," the man answered.

Monty chuckled and rested a hand on his friend's shoulder. " You always were a pushover. Now, would you like to help me give my reptiles their lunch?"

" So, what did you and Ms. Crazy do?" Jerome asked a few minutes later in the reptile room when he was helping Monty feed the last Downey lizard.

Monty raised his bushy red eyebrows in a suggestive manner, a sly smirk forming on the corner of his mouth, and left Jerome to guess.

His friend blinked, astonished. " You, uh, you didn't…didn't, you know?" he stammered, an unpleasant shudder being sent through his body.

" No!" he cried. " We just kissed, that's all." He grinned, that moment replaying in his head for umpteenth time as he wandered to the next cage.

" You did? So that's why you want to ask her out!" Jerome said, chuckling. " How did you two end up kissing?" he asked once his laughter passed.

Monty shrugged his shoulders, making him look like a rather short grizzly bear. " I asked her if I could and it just sort of happened. I can't really remember. It happened so fast," he said, his voice soft and quiet. " I think I like her," he confessed.

Unsure on what his reaction should be, Jerome simply smiled. " It's good you like someone after Jai, but are you sure? Josephine's a pretty weird person to have a crush on."

" I am sure!" Monty answered sharply. " She has a fear of snakes and when she was with me, she wasn't afraid! The old Josephine is still in her! She's bold; brave. I can't help but feel hungry for that," he admitted, blushing slightly.

Jerome opened his mouth to say something that might have offended a feminist if one had been present, but his friend stopped him.

" And I don't mean that," he muttered, rolling his eyes in disapproval.

" What do you mean then?" the younger man riddled, sighing.

" I don't know," Monty admitted, shrugging again, " but I have a good feeling about this."

" If you say so," Jerome replied.

Monty stood in the cool, salty September air, looking out to the vast lake thinking deeply. He had it all planned out in his head; the words he was going to say, the tone in which he was going to say them. But perhaps Jerome and the Snicket siblings were right. Maybe the accusations toward her were true and that she was mentally unhinged. Running a hand through his thinning hair, his gaze slipped to the large, rickety old house that clung on to the edge of the hill, and he let out a soft moan. This was the first woman he had been interested in in thirty one years, and the first woman to be interested in him. He had to find out if this was worth anything – they had already shared a special moment after all – so, ignoring his friends' warning, he began to walk closer to the front door. Before he rang the bell, he checked to see if his hair was neat, and that his glasses were not askew. Pulling his collar up to cover his bulging neck, he was desperate to hide any imperfections that might ruin his chances of winning Josephine's affections. The lump of nervousness bobbing up and down in his throat, his trembling hand reached for the doorbell.

A small number of seconds later, Josephine came to answer, breathless and distressed. " Do you have a death wish? You could have gotten a shock! Remember to always-" She stopped, buttoning her thin mouth shut. " Monty!" she gasped. " I am sorry. I thought you were the group of teenagers who like to play tricks on me."

Monty raised a hand. " Say no more. I understand," he said in the most gentlemanly manner possible. " Josephine," he went on to say, " I enjoyed what we did last night very much, in fact, and, um, I was…I was wondering i-i-i-if you'd like to do it again s-some time," he said, his stammer coming on strong as he nervously scratched his chin.

Josephine's exhausted, bloodshot eyes fluttered flirtatiously and she blushed. " I'm free on Thursday," she answered. " I have so much to do!"

" Such as?" Monty asked, genuinely interested.

" First, I have to put new protective wrapping on the cutlery so I don't cut myself when I'm using them. Then, I have to disinfect the plates and bowls so I don't catch nasty germs and get ill, and I need to remove the zipper on my new winter coat so I don't get my fingers caught."

" Sorry I asked!" Monty joked, chortling heartily.

" I'll come 'round to yours. Is that all right?" she asked, her eyes smiling.

" No, no. I'll pick you up. Why don't we head over to Café Salmonella? I hear it's pretty fancy!" he suggested. He'd always enjoyed eating that lovely pink fish, and since she lived by water, he thought his girl might like to have seafood.

Josephine grinned, her perfectly straight teeth showing in between her lips. " I'd like that," she whispered shyly.


	4. The Delightful Date

Kit removed her latex gloves, a satisfied smile stretching across her face, as Monty raised his eyebrows expectantly. His kitchen table was strewn with used tin foils, combs, a bottle of red hair dye and a bowl of soapy water. He had been waiting for this Thursday since that fateful Monday and it felt as though it would never come. But now that it was finally here, Monty wanted to look his best, even if it meant having his remaining hair pulled and tugged. It was time to wash red dye out, so Monty moved his chair by the sink and he put his head back underneath the hot-water tap. Kit began to work her magic fingers in order to rinse it all out. As she gently massaged his head with the warm water gushing out of the tap, the dyspraxic herpetologist heaved a contented sigh. Having his hair dyed every month was always somewhat traumatic, because of his sensitivity to touch, but Kit was always especially gentle with him when she was shampooing his hair, and eventually he grew to enjoy the combined feeling of the water and her small, delicate hands.

" You know, I try to give Josh enough freedom, now that he's an adult," she nattered on, " but he can act like such a child sometimes! He's started drinking, you know. He just does it to annoy me. I swear he becomes more like his father each day!" she ranted and clucked her tongue.

" How's he been since…you know?" asked Monty, assuming that uttering the name of her son's father might upset her.

" Olaf was never really there for him as a kid, so he hasn't been that bad," she replied. " He wants to visit him, though of course, but Dewey and I aren't so sure."

Monty chuckled lightly, even though Kit had not said anything that was remotely humorous. " Let the boy see his father!" he cried, his voice involuntarily booming.

Kit faked a convincing smile, knowing that her companion meant well. " I just don't want Olaf to be an influence on Josh. Dewey is a much better role model! Well, he would be, if Josh let him."

" Yeah? How is Dewey nowadays? You two still getting married?"

" Yes, we are; in June. You can come to the wedding if you like," she answered. " We're also trying for a baby at the moment."

At that, Monty brimmed with joy, though he felt just a little bit jealous, which he chose to ignore – he, after all, was too old to become a father now. He gave a toothy grin and said, " That's great! Had any luck so far?"

" No, not yet, but one of these days…" She trailed off, too overjoyed to finish her sentence, but she knew she would be understood. " Anyway," she said instead, " I'm ready to dry you off now. Do you still keep your towels in the same place?"

" Yeah. Second drawer on the left. Right, sorry!" the herpetologist corrected himself, making his friend laugh as she left the room for a few minutes to retrieve a towel from the bathroom.

While she was gone, her younger brothers thundered into the room with Jerome behind them after they had politely excused themselves to the living room to watch a very intense croquet match on the television. The three men found it particularly strange for a gentleman in his late fifties to dye his hair, so they preferred not to watch it being done.

" That was a very exciting game!" cried Lemony.

" Who won?" Monty asked.

" Our team, The City Clangers, of course!" Jacques announced proudly, who was an avid fan of The City Clangers.

" That's fantastic. So, what do you think?" the scientist went on as he gestured to his head.

Lemony and Jacques looked at one another, their similar round brown eyes narrowing as each of their similar journalistic brains got to work in order to think of a nice thing to say to their friend. Lemony bit his lip and Jacques stuffed his hands into the pockets of his trousers, his one eyebrow slightly raised. But it was spineless Jerome Squalor who spoke.

" Monty, is this _really_ necessary?"

" Wh-w-what do you mean?" he stuttered, knitting his eyebrows together.

" You don't know Josephine that well," Lemony said, " and you're very shy…"

" Yes," Monty said, nodding.

" Don't get hurt. OK?" Jacques told him softly.

Monty smiled, the earlier conversation with Jerome still on his mind. " Don't worry, lads. I've been courting women ever since before you were even considered. I know what I'm doing," he responded confidently, even though the last time he dated someone he was twenty five years of age.

" Then why did you ask us for help?" Lemony riddled, giving him a questioning look.

" Hey, guys. What are you talking about?" asked Kit, who had just reappeared by the door.

Monty scoffed. " Your brothers believe that I might get hurt."

Kit glared at them disapprovingly, her bright emerald eyes shining furiously behind her glasses. " I know you all aren't terribly convinced that Josephine is genuine, but Monty has his own mind and he can make his own decisions."

" That's right! So, will you be willing to help me pick out a suit?"

Josephine leapt with fright, only to realise that she was staring at her own reflection in the mirror a few paces away from the front door. She let out a nervous chuckle, her hands trembling uncontrollably as she chewed her left thumb with all her might. Once she'd calmed down, she began to look herself more closely with a sad longing in her eyes. She had a long, stick-like figure and absolutely no curves, which she'd always felt self-conscious about. Putting on weight never seemed to work; she stepped on the scales and they stayed at the same number time after time. Her chest was flat; she could never remember a time when a man or a boy did a double take on her – their wide-eyed gawps would always belong to her friends. She was tall, too, which was something she'd always resented. She realised now that she would never be beautiful, and certainly _any _man would not find her attractive in any way at all. She did not look anything like those mesmerising young women on billboards and in magazines, nor would she ever be as beautiful as Fay Wray. All she was going to be was ugly, skinny and stupid. She had spent most of the day preparing for this date, trying to figure out what she should wear, whether or not she should wear her hair up or down. But she never seemed to decide on anything, so she spent a little time almost killing herself over whether she should call Monty and cancelled. But she was afraid of using the telephone. Then it was too late. She heard Monty's car creeping up the drive, like a panther hunting its prey. Giving herself one last terrified look, she straightened her frumpy dark red dress and was about to meet him at the door, but she froze.

" Hey, Josephine!" Monty called from the doorstep. " Are you ready?"

She opened her mouth to reply, but she could only make a strange gargling sound. " I…I…"

" Josephine? Are you all right?" he asked, his voice sounding concerned as he rapped on the door and rang the bell several times.

" I-I-I'm…fine. I just need to…" She trailed off, paralysed with fear.

She closed her eyes and heaved a deep breath to compose herself. Still quivering like a leaf, she stormed over to the door and let Monty into her isolated world.

" I'm terribly sorry about that," she said, smiling.

" Just fixing yourself, were you?" he guessed cheerfully. When he was a young man, the woman he loved constantly 'fixed herself' before a big date and he always saw that as a nice way to remember her by.

Josephine smiled and nodded, not entirely sure what he meant. Then she spotted the man's hair and she covered her mouth as she sniggered. " Do you dye your hair, by any chance?" she asked, giggling.

" Yes, I do. My friend Kit Snicket did it for me earlier this afternoon. Do you like it?"

" Maybe it's because I'm partial to the older man, but I do prefer a bit of grey," she answered.

Monty blushed violently, his cheeks matching his fiery red hair. " Oh," he said, disappointed.

" But you can continue dyeing it if you want," she replied.

The stars in the velvet sky twinkled and blinked, the budding couple below feeling protected in their shine as they made pleasant conversation with one another about themselves on the veranda of Café Salmonella. Monty didn't stammer at all when he told Josephine about his days as a schoolboy at VFD Training School. He even felt confident enough to talk in explicit detail about the trouble he and his family had to endure because of his difficulties, which was a sensitive subject that he didn't even like to think about. Josephine, despite being scared before, showed many sides to her personality that Monty didn't know she had. She was wild and daring, soft and gentle, while at the same time, kept her nervous demeanour. She revealed countless dark secrets concerning her past, like how she used to be a juvenile delinquent and was sent from military school to military school, costing her relationship with her mother and father. She spoke timidly with tears in her eyes about how much she cared for Ike and that she didn't have anything to do with his sudden death and to her surprise, Monty had his own tragic tale to tell.

" What you just said," he whispered, playing with his salmon fishcake with his fork, " it reminded me of someone I loved long ago. Her name was Jai. She was a pretty little thing with huge green eyes and a face full of freckles." He paused for a moment, smiling sadly as the memory of her laughter echoed in his mind. " We were engaged to be married. But then I was called to Africa with my team. This was my first proper expedition as a herpetologist. I was young; just turned twenty five. I didn't know any better, so I persuaded her to come with me. Everything was perfect in that jungle. She was with me while my team and I tracked and studied snakes and other reptiles. She was afraid of everything that came her way; it was funny as anything!" He gave a brief smile and a breathless chuckle before his face totally changed. He looked down to his hands, his chest rising and sinking at a rapid rate. He picked at his fingernails, not really wanting to continue the story, but he knew he must. " Then she got bitten by a snake. None of us really saw what had happened, so we didn't know which antidote to give her, and we were hours away from medical help. We tried to go on, but she was so weak; _so_ _helpless_." The guilt and the pain slowly began to rage within him, the tears burning his eyes like acid. " I laid her down…She t-told me to hold her and I-I did. She died i-in _pure agony_ on a bed of green leaves that m-matched her eyes and I kissed her…She was only twenty two," he added, the sting of that last kiss still on his lips after all those lonely years.

Josephine's heart broke when she heard the horrible story. A lump in her throat, she brought a comforting hand to his, understanding exactly how he felt. A small appreciative smile crept along Monty's mouth and he nodded his head, grunting quietly.

" That's why I never loved anyone else," he confessed and he looked straight into Josephine's eyes with unshakable confidence, " until now."

" Oh, thank you," the woman simpered, shyly readjusting the napkin on her lap as an attempt to mask her scarlet cheeks.

" I do, you know," he mumbled. " I think you're wonderful."

" You don't know me!" she hissed. She wasn't sure if she should be flattered or completely offended that someone admitted their love for her – her heart was still healing over Ike, after all.

" I know enough. I know that you like salmon omelettes," he said, nodding in the direction of her plate, " and I know that you used to be a tearaway. I know that you miss your mom and that you regret not seeing your father before he died. I also know that I don't want to know anyone else's kiss but yours. That's enough to make me love you."

Josephine smiled at the man opposite her and in that solitary moment, she let go of Ike, although she still had him close in her heart. She didn't feel ready yet, but perhaps over time, she could let Monty into her world. " You're so kind, Mr. Montgomery," she whispered finally, smiling.

He leant back in his seat, grunting in disgust. " Ugh, I hate all that formality! I'm Monty, remember, Jo?"

She smiled again at hearing her old nickname. " Ike used to call me Jo."

" Oh," Monty said. " Should I stop?"

She shook her head. " I like it. I miss being called Jo." After a pause, she looked around the crowded area. " Do you want to leave and perhaps take a walk?"

Monty's face lit up and he grinned. " I know the perfect place! Come on!" he cried briskly.

Squeezing her hand tightly, Monty led Josephine through the sand of Briny Beach until they reached the edge of the water, where the moon reflected in it, the white specks dancing as the water gently bobbed up and down. Grinning somewhat mischievously, the herpetologist kicked off his shoes and socks to fully appreciate the funny sensation of the sand and water between his toes. Josephine gave him a perplexed look, but she laughed, knowing that it was all right to act so foolish. As she watched Monty rush down to the sea, soaking his feet and trousers, gradually she began to follow suit. Gracefully slipping out of her ballet flats, she lifted the hem of her dress so it wouldn't get wet and she raced to his side. Despite being three inches taller than him, Monty held her close, draping his arms around her, tenderly massaging her back as he pressed his lips against hers and Josephine couldn't help but grin.

" I do believe I'm falling for you, Monty," she whispered in his ear.


	5. The Haunting Hurricane

Over the next couple of weeks, the relationship between the herpetologist and grammar-enthusiast only grew stronger. They were regular visitors each other's houses – almost twice-weekly. While Jo was at Monty's, he would spend time with her in his reptile room to help her overcome her fears by forcing her to confront them head-on. Of course he felt bad whenever she got hysterical and upset, but he understood that it would benefit her some time in the near future. And whenever Monty visited Jo, she would be the teacher. She taught him how to organise himself and to complete household chores within a certain space of time without anyone – namely, Kit Snicket – interfering. Similar to how she would scream and howl in terror, Monty was often reluctant to do things on his own, even though he knew he should have learnt how to do these things decades earlier, but over time, both of them started to conquer their personal demons. Yes, their courtship was going at a gentler pace than most, but this was how they preferred it to be; sweet, simple with little chance of any serious heartbreak if they should part company. And they did indeed part company one early October morning.

The loud horn droned throughout the dock in the thick, silvery-grey fog monotonously, setting Monty's senses on fire. The loudspeaker attached to a tall wooden pole sprung to life.

" _All aboard The Prospero to Peru! May all passengers collect your belongings and board the ship now!_" an exasperatingly high-pitched voice called.

Turning his back on the ship, Monty glanced over his shoulder to spy on his assistant, Gustav, biting his lip and trembling, the adrenaline pumping throughout his body. Gustav let out a groan and tapped his wristwatch impatiently with the tip of his index finger. Monty lifted the heavy trunk that was lying beside him and brought it closer to his friend.

" Jo's not here yet," he gasped and cracked his knuckles. The trunk was very heavy indeed! " She promised she'd be here to see us off. Go and take the trunk in. I'll wait a little longer," he ordered in a friendly manner.

Gustav clucked his tongue and rolled his dark brown eyes. " Couldn't you have waited until we got back to get caught up in this romance?" he riddled in his thick German accent.

" OK, I admit it's bad timing, but I can't help my feelings, can I?" Monty folded his arms, shooting his companion a good-natured smirk as he walked towards the ship with the trunk slung over his shoulder, and Monty continued to look out for his dearest Josephine.

Two or three minutes later, just after the majority of passengers had boarded, she appeared, the stress of losing yet another loved one visible on her careworn face. When she spotted him, she braved a small, tired smile. Clumsily bringing his left foot forward, Monty's slow pace quickened into a gentle jog, his round red face lighting up with excitement. When he approached her, he wrapped his arms around her middle, resting his head on her shoulder. They parted and Monty noticed the salty, diamond-shaped tears that were silently trickling down Jo's cheeks.

" It'll be all right," he reassured her, wiping those little droplets away with his thumbs. " It's not like I'm dying! Except maybe my hair," he joked, trying to get her to laugh or at least smile.

With a gloved hand, Jo caressed Monty's chest and pencilled an invisible line down to his belly, which made him snigger.

" I can't bear the thought of being alone again," she whispered, sniffing forlornly.

" I keep telling you to call your mom! Build your relationship up with her again!"

She hung her head and began to sob. " I'm scared, Monty. I don't know what I'm going to do while you're away," she muttered.

" Just do what you normally do without me," he replied, thinking nothing of it.

" I'm terrified," she whispered again and she perched her chin on Monty's shoulder, almost suffocating him in her tight embrace.

" Aww, Jo, what have ya got to be scared of?" he asked cheerfully to hide his heartbreak of seeing her in distress.

" If you leave today or _any day_, I fear my life would be as it was before," she admitted. " I like my new life with you! Please don't leave, Monty! Please don't!" she begged.

" I have to! My research, my team!" cried Monty.

" Please…"

" _The Prospero will leave for Peru in ten minutes! May all the passengers board now!_" came the screechy voice from the loudspeaker.

Monty, rubbing his girlfriend's arm, turned his head and spotted Gustav tapping his watch again with an incredibly annoyed look on his face. He also saw Drs. Smith and Jones wearing equally infuriated expressions. He looked back at Josephine as he tried to figure out what to do. He'd always wanted to go Peru and see its people and animals, and since he was getting older, he might not have another chance. But if he went, there was also a chance of losing the beautiful woman who stood weeping before him. He may never see her again. So he did what he thought was right. He would later think about it, but with no regrets at all because, well, because of reasons that will be revealed soon. He cupped Josephine's face gently with his hands and she smiled gratefully through her tears. He shot an apologetic look to his colleagues before walking confidently hand in hand with his girlfriend to some secret place that only they knew about. And so, the older couple carried on with their content lives as if nothing had happened at their own slow pace until it was involuntarily kicked up a notch (or two) at the beginning of November.

Josephine and Monty had spent the entire day together. They spent most of it relaxing by Lake Lachrymose, eating a small picnic of egg sandwiches, slices of cheese, fruit salad and an assortment of peanut butter cookies that Monty had recently learnt to bake. Luckily, though, it was too cold to go swimming. But then it started to rain, forcing them to walk back up to Josephine's house, and they watched television instead. Jo had happily rested her head on Monty's lap and he stroked her face and hair, making her feel sleepy. Then the programme they were watching was interrupted by an important newsflash.

" _Breaking news_," the boring reporter said in a boring tone of voice. " _Meteorologists have discovered that a severe hurricane will be arriving in the next few days. Residents are advised to have rations stored and a shelter prepared if necessary. Thank you. Enjoy the rest of the programme_."

Slowly, Jo sat up, the fright frozen on her pale face. Hurricanes were common in her neck of the woods, so she and the rest of the village had experienced this phenomena so many times before that it seemed like an everyday occurrence. Watching her closely, Monty knitted his eyebrows together in concern.

" Jo?" he asked. " Jo, it's going to be A-OK!"

" N-n-n-no! No! I-I-I-I need to get ready a-and-"

Monty interrupted her by sniggering. " I'm sorry, you're stuttering worse than me!" he cried through his laughter. Then he calmed down and he muttered, " Seriously, Jo. It'll be OK. I'll be with you. You don't have to worry while I'm around."

" A-are you sure?" she squeaked.

He nodded. " Yeah. I'll help you prepare if you like."

The pair was so busy helping each other out that they acted like colleagues rather than boyfriend and girlfriend. Throughout the week, together they purchased the necessary materials in order to survive a hurricane, such as a lightweight torch with extra batteries for the dark, dreary and scary moments during the storm. While Jo devised a simple yet handy First Aid kit in case anyone gets hurt, Monty tried to show off his manliness by trying to fit shutters on the windows, but his hand slipped, causing the hammer to land on his thumb, which almost took his nail off. At least Josephine could test her medical kit! But during their overhaul, she was given a painful reminder of a sensitive subject.

Monty was clearing out the closet in the guestroom, which was big enough for two adults to sit in while the upcoming storm could rage on outside. He pulled out a heavy box caked in dust that made him cough and splutter. In that brief moment of complete disorientation, he dropped it to the floor with a thump as he tried to regain his balance on the ladder. Josephine – who had heard the commotion from the hallway and had come to investigate – let out a sharp dramatic gasp. She brought her trembling hands to her mouth and fell to her knees, crawling toward the box as if entranced by it. Disappointed that Jo didn't seem to care that he might've gotten harmed, the clumsy old man gingerly climbed down to the ground, where he felt safe and sat cross-legged beside her.

" What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asked, his voice low and soft.

Josephine slowly shook her head, tears clouding her pristine azure eyes. " It's nothing. It's just that I haven't looked in this box for some years," she whispered and plucked an object from the cardboard container. It was a small, plastic humanoid toy with large staring button eyes and long, flame-retardant blonde hair that had gotten tangled up over the time it had spent in the box in the closet. " Pretty Penny."

" Pretty what?"

" It – _she _– was a doll I owned when I was fourteen. I loved her very much and I vowed to keep her to give to my child, if I ever had one. But I never did." She sighed deeply with regret, cursing the day she and Ike decided not to start a family.

Monty smiled. " Josephine, you nostalgic old fool!" he boomed, not realising that he could hurt her feelings. " You don't have to have a child just so you can play with it again. Why, I still play with my zoo playset occasionally, even though I've got a room full of real-life reptiles!"

The woman faked a smile, knowing he had good intentions. " I suppose so," she uttered finally and nodded.

The sky that miserable Friday afternoon grew dark and grey as if someone had spilt black ink on a white sheet of paper and didn't make much effort hard to try and remove it. In the morning, the wind started off very still and calm, but by lunchtime, it had become harsh, bitter; quite frankly, strong enough to knock over an elephant. Rain began to fall from the Heavens, the grey salty drops smacking people in the head because they were so large and sharp like a knife made of water. There was not one doubt in the villagers' minds that the fearsome Hurricane Herman was not far behind. Josephine started as she awoke from her nap, the wind blowing hard against the wooden shutters, making the most terrible raucous noise. Her mind clouded with fear, she looked around the library, her flittering eyes darting from one bookcase to the next. She whimpered and started to quiver. She was all alone and a storm was arriving. This would have been her worst nightmare, if it hadn't been for the man who was bounding into the room.

" Morning, lazybones!" Monty cried, grinning, even though it was past two o'clock in the afternoon. " You were out like a light. I thought you were going to miss Hurricane Herman!"

" I wish I did," she admitted.

" It should be here in a few hours," he answered. " I've had the news on all day. They keep saying 'in a few hours,' 'in a few hours.'"

Jo heaved a sigh, picking up her book about the difference between nouns and pronouns from her lap and placing it on the table by her comfy chair. " I wish it would just hurry up and get it over with," she muttered, clenching her teeth.

" Oh, stop," Monty replied in a somewhat annoyed tone, even though he didn't mean it come out the way it did. " You've lived through dozens of hurricanes. One more won't make a difference."

" But-"

" Just because your husband – the _most courageous _man on Earth – is gone doesn't mean you have to be afraid of everything. You have me now. No harm will come to you as long as I'm around. I keep telling you this. OK?"

She opened her mouth to say something, but she never got to say it, because she had been interrupted by a violent gust of wind that smashed through the wide window, sending the shards of glass spiralling into every corner of the room. Josephine gave a shriek of horror and Monty let out a cry of surprise, his heart thumping in his chest. Hurricane Herman had, quite literally, stormed in to wreck the Anwhistle home. Soon, the bookshelves and comfortable chairs became soaked with rainwater. Papers flew about wildly as though they were trying to escape Herman's wrath. Josephine's face was white as a sheet and her eyes grew wide with fear. She felt a rumbling underneath her feet. Then they both heard the distinct sound of cracking and the splintering of wood. The splits that held up the house were beginning to give up their fight. The floor dipped. Josephine screamed again, her eyes wild and her hands half-covering her face. She had to get out, and fast.

" Come towards me!" Monty yelled over the sound of the blustering wind as he headed straight to the doorway, sheltering his face.

" I-I'm scared!" Jo screamed, shaking like a leaf in the cold.

" It's OK! It'll be over soon! Just do as I say!"

She flung out her arms and edged towards her courageous boyfriend as if she were a toddler just learning to walk. Monty shouted encouragements to her, but she couldn't hear because of the noise. Closer and closer, she got to Monty, the braver she felt with every faltering step. The room shook again, sending more debris falling down to the dark depths of Lake Lachrymose. Josephine was knocked back a few steps, but that made her evermore determined to conquer her fears. The room shook again, but more violently, like a bucking bronco. She was thrown to the floor. Monty gasped, his heart drumming harder than it ever did before. This was his fault. He should have invited her to his house instead. Josephine looked up and started to stand, but the ceiling was beginning to crumbling, and in the middle of the ceiling was a chandelier made of crystal. It was shaking, and ever so slightly, it became loose. Monty saw it as the wires snapped in two and it was about to crush her.

" Jo!" he cried out. He threw himself forward, grabbed her hands, pulling her out just in time. The chandelier fell and with an ear-splitting _crash!_ it landed right on top of Monty's head.

Josephine shrieked as he fell unconscious to the ground. Like an umbrella being blown about by the wind, she crept towards him and knelt down to see if he was bleeding. There was a nasty dark red wound near his eyebrow, where blood was slowly trickling down the right side of his face. A few seconds later, he came to. He sat up and with Jo's help; he stood on a pair of trembling legs.

" Oh, my goodness, Monty! We have to get out of here as soon as possible!" she cried.

" Yeah, I might've guessed from all this debris!" Monty snidely remarked, wincing as he touched his forehead.

The herpetologist and grammar-enthusiast worked together to reach the door and out of the house. They stood, caged in each other's arms as they watched the building fall away into the inky black lake. To watch her home be destroyed, Josephine herself was destroyed. The home she'd shared with her late husband was gone. Monty stroked her hair and her face as she wept into his shoulder.

They stood like this for several moments before Josephine turned to him and said, " Let me see your head." She stroked the straggly red locks out of the way and looked closely at the wound. The skin around it was dark and bloody and blood was still dribbling out of it. He needed a doctor. " Oh, you poor thing!" she cried. " I'm going to take you to the hospital."

" Honestly, I'm OK," he replied, even though it stung.

" No! I insist!"

" _No!_ _I insist!_" he barked. " You just lost your home. You're coming home with me."

Readjusting her messy blonde hair, she turned around to look at the spot where her house once stood. She turned back to him and smiled gratefully. " Thank you, but really, Monty, you need a doctor."

He heaved a sigh and smiled in return. " All right. If it'll make you happy."

Monty, his head stitched up and bandaged, whisked his princess away to his cosy and warm castle in the countryside, where she felt the safest. He made her a nice hot meal of pasta with a delicious sauce that he had called 'puttanesca,' which she had never tasted before. And when the time came, they changed clothes for bed. Since she didn't have time to grab any of her belongings, Monty kindly gave Josephine one of his old shirts to wear, and a pair of comfortable shorts, instead of a proper nightgown. When she put them on, she caught his scent in them, and a want for something wild and daring awoke within her. Jo was not keen on sleeping in the guestroom, in which she would be alone in the dark all night without the comfort of her loving and brave boyfriend. That was the only thing she truly wanted at that moment. So she insisted on sharing Monty's large double bed. He didn't mind, of course, but he couldn't shake the feeling that Josephine was up to something. He could see it her shining eyes and mischievous sideward smile.

Monty was the one who climbed into bed first. He wrapped the duvet around himself, wriggling his body to make himself comfortable, and he heaved a deep sigh of contentment. He removed his glasses and laid them down on the bedside table. He then rolled over on to his back and placed his hands behind his head as he clamped his tired brown eyes shut. The thrill of the hurricane and saving Josephine's life had taken a lot out of the old fella.

Josephine was still in the bathroom, attending to her nightly routine. After she had obsessively brushed and flossed her teeth – she was afraid of getting gingivitis, even though her teeth were in good condition – she began to comb her hair into place to tie it up in a bun. But as she looked at herself in the mirror, she saw her tailbone-length golden locks cascade down her spine like water trickling down a drain, and her mind was cast back to the day she let Ike brush it and he kept whispering in her ear that she could put Repunzel to shame. She grinned, and even giggled outwardly at this treasured memory. Then it quickly faded. She glanced over her shoulder at the door that was slightly ajar. The light from Monty's bedroom seeped through the crack under the door. She turned back to her reflection, a determined shine in her eye. Maybe for just one night, she could let her hair down. Smiling, she put the sleeves of Monty's shirt to her nose and inhaled as deeply as she could. It had a very strong, exotic smell; the smell of a thousand lands. It was warm and comforting, which made her feel beyond secure. Slowly, she unbuttoned the first button, then the second and third, and then the fourth. She did this until there weren't any more buttons to undo. With a nervous squeak, she slipped it off, a sudden chill hitting her bare torso. Then she unzipped the shorts and she slithered of them. With all the confidence she could muster, she marched down the hallway, passing the four guestrooms, to Monty's room. The door creaked as it opened, grabbing his attention. He smiled and was ready to kiss his girlfriend goodnight, but instead, received a shock. She strode in, not a stitch of clothing on her with everything on show. Immediately, he sat up, his eyes leaping out of his head as his chin hit the bed. He felt his face go bright scarlet. Josephine stepped towards the bed and climbed on top of it, stretching her long body in a cat-like manner.

" I just wanted to reward you for saving my life," she whispered.

Monty didn't hear. He was too transfixed to her gorgeous pair to even notice a parade of banjo-playing elephants. After a second or ten, he snapped out of it. " I haven't…_been_ with a woman in thirty one years," he admitted hesitantly.

Josephine leant back on her knees, making Monty's temperature rise to unhealthy level, and shrugged. " Not tonight."

There is a certain time in this type of a story, like this one, when the author chooses not to write down what a couple does in bed in the middle of the night after surviving a hurricane and puttanesca sauce. The reader, that's you, just knows and does not have to be told so. So this is where the curtains lower on this chapter, because you are aware of the reason why Monty and Jo couldn't wipe the grins off their faces the next day. But I can tell you that it's not because they played card games all night.


	6. The Blossoming Bosom

There was not much in the world that Josephine wanted. In her own simple little way, she had everything she needed. She had a boyfriend who was kind and generous and considerate, despite not being physically attractive, which didn't bother either of them one bit. She had a comfortable home that she shared with her said boyfriend, and she was glad to call it home, especially after Hurricane Herman had completely destroyed her previous one. But the thing she had wanted the most, she never got. And that thing – or, maybe, in this case – things were larger breasts. When she was just a small girl, no older than the age of five, she hoped her bosoms would grow as big as her mother's. When she grew a little older, and puberty commenced, its wrath ugly and torturous, nothing appeared in her shirt until she was at least sixteen years of age. Noticing the different frames of the girls around her, she was teased horribly, which eventually led her to seek her revenge after she started dating Ike. She was often mistaken for a boy, even by friends and her older and younger brothers. No amount of bra-stuffing would cure her blues. Jo was just so envious, and she was never able to accept the fact that she would never grow into a C-cup. But one chilly morning in January changed, literally, everything.

The digital alarm clock buzzed loudly, signalling the start of a brand new day. Like always, Jo was the first to wake up – Monty, a heavy sleeper, was incredibly sluggish in the mornings. Her eyes of blue fluttered open and a soft, groggy sigh passed her lips as she rolled over to the switch the snooze button on. Monty was still fast asleep, his gritting snores ringing in Jo's ears, as his protective arms stayed firmly around her torso. She smiled weakly in appreciation and leant in to kiss him gently on the mouth. He wriggled and grunted in his sleep and turned over on to his opposite side, finally freeing Jo from his clutches. Slowly, she sat up, the sleepy feeling gradually slipping away, hoping she would not feel nauseous that morning as she had felt it everyday for weeks. She sat on the edge of the bed for several moments to stretch out her long pale arms and let out an audible yawn. In her baggy, white nightgown, she wandered barefoot over to the wardrobe to pick out her clothes for the day. Shooting sleeping Monty a loving smile, she slipped out of the garment with ease, dropped it on the floor and pulled a plain, pale pink sleeveless vest over her head, only to realise it didn't fit. She gave a curious squeak and looked down. Surprised, she took a few steps backwards and dashed to the bathroom to get a better look in the mirror. There, in her vest, was her desired bra size – maybe they were bigger; she wasn't sure. A rush of excitement exploded within her body and a grin spread across her face, and her white cheeks glowed a distinctive apple-red. She ran back to the bedroom and threw a pillow at Monty's head.

" Hey!" he grumbled, rubbing his eyes as he sat up. " What's the big-?" He couldn't finish his sentence, for his gaze had been drawn to her bosoms. " Oh, _that's_ the big idea," he remarked. " Are you sure I'm not dreaming?" he asked, bewildered.

Josephine smiled. " Yes, I'm sure," she answered, rolling her eyes. " I just don't know how they came to be like this. They were fine yesterday. I just woke up and here they were!"

" Do they hurt?" he asked.

She felt each one with a thoughtful expression on her face and Monty averted his eyes, blushing. " Hmm…They do," she muttered slowly.

" Maybe it's just your period? You said you were late."

Jo shook her head. " No, it's not that. You see, women _know_ these things – I don't know how that's possible, but it's true – and I don't think it's my period," she explained.

Monty raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. Either she was on her period or she wasn't. " What is it then?"

She shrugged her shoulders. " I don't know."

Jo's toes curled up in her shoes as she sat silently in the waiting room of the doctor's surgery. There were not many people in the room, except for an exhausted looking mother and her two teenage sons who were quietly squabbling over their handheld games console, and a disgruntled elderly gentleman with his right arm in a sling. Posters concerning sexual and mental health, as well as stroke awareness flyers, covered the walls, where they would not go unnoticed, making the atmosphere seem even more depressing than it already was. Pulling the sleeves of Monty's jacket over her hands, her nervous gaze slipped to the coffee table, which had a small selection of ageing fashion magazines that were of no interest to her, or anyone else for that matter. So, instead, to pass the time, she took out a notepad and pen from a pocket and began to list the symptoms she'd noticed over the past month or so, so she would have an idea what to talk about to the doctor. Giving her breasts a brief smile, she scrawled 'Swollen Breasts' at the top, and 'Nausea' next, then 'Missed Last Two Periods' and 'Mood Swings'. Then something went _click!_ in her mind. She frowned and reread it. She remembered the first time she and Monty were together; the day of the hurricane, two weeks before her thirty-ninth birthday. She was sure they'd been careful, but it'd been such a romantic night, the memories of it were vague. The possibility that this could be happen never crossed her mind. She gasped and clasped a hand to her belly, feeling a slight curve in her stomach.

Monty beamed proudly at the Incredibly Deadly Viper as he coiled himself around the man's body, hissing affectionately. The herpetologist chuckled heartily and stroked the creature's large, scaly head. The snake moved on to the floor and began to slither away, knowing that his owner had work to do. Monty grinned again as he watched his most prized possession slither somewhere underneath the glass cabinet that contained the many venoms of poisonous reptiles. He strode over to the African Germanotta snake's cage to see if she had laid any eggs, which were the most delicious eggs in the world, if cooked and served correctly. He smiled at his snake and gently drummed his fingers on the glass to greet her.

" Hello, Stefani, hello," he murmured as the green and blue-striped creature slithered out from underneath a rock with her mate. " How are you today?" he whispered. " Do you have any eggs for me?" he asked.

The snake's brightly coloured eyes nervously shifted from right to left. She adored her master, as did all the animals in the reptile room, but she'd always resented her purpose to him. She would lay eggs just so he could eat them. So the last time she laid eggs, she kept them hidden under some leaves. The snake hissed in response and heard a faint cracking sound, startling her. Monty saw some vegetation wiggle and he made a squeak of curiosity. He unlocked the cage door and reached in to move it and he gasped in awe at the three pale green eggs. He'd witnessed countless reptilian births throughout his career, but the thrill never seemed to cease. A rush of excitement washing over him, he clumsily dashed out of the room to the storage area to retrieve the video camera. He didn't want to miss one second! Quickly, he pressed the red record button and caught every nanosecond of this momentous occasion. The eggs wiggled again and slowly but surely, Monty spotted the babies' noses poking out. He squealed with delight. The baby snakes slowly began to break through the shells and were joined by their hissing mother and father.

" I think I'll call you Tabitha and you Artie and you Hero, because you were born first," he proclaimed to each of them. He beamed. Then he heard the front door swing open. Josephine was home. " Jo! Jo!" he boomed.

" Monty?" he heard her call out.

" I'm in here! You won't believe what's just happened!" he cried, dancing around and clapping his hands together with excitement.

Josephine marched into the reptile room, holding a shopping bag from the nearest clothing store in town. She looked tired and scared, which went unnoticed by her giggling boyfriend. " What now?" she asked in an annoyed tone of voice.

" Stefani just had babies! I-I mean, her eggs just hatched! It was wonderful, Josephine! Just beautiful!" he babbled.

" That's nice, but-"

" Look! That one's Artie, and that's Hero – because he was born first – and that one is Tabitha! I have it all on tape! Come, watch it!" Monty pressed the yellow play button, but nothing came up on the screen, except for the sound of his excited screams. Monty frowned in disappointment. " Must be broken," he guessed.

Josephine groaned. " You forgot to take the lens cap off, you _idiot!_" she snapped.

" Oh! Silly me!" he cried, laughing at his own idiocy. " So, what's in the bag?"

" After I went to the doctor, I went to the store to buy bras that fit."

Monty gave a sideward smile. " I'd like to see you try them out."

Usually amused by Monty's perverted nature, Josephine rolled her eyes again in annoyance. " I'm fine, there's nothing wrong with me. Thanks for asking!" She stormed off, deliberately stomping her heavy feet against the floor.

Monty gave a puzzled expression, his eyebrows knitting together as his mouth made a small O-shape. " Jo?" he squeaked, knowing that he was in big trouble.

He followed her up to the bedroom, where he saw her looking at her new purchases. When she heard his lumbering footsteps, she proceeded to ignore him in spite of needing someone to comfort her. Monty sat on the edge of the bed, his handsome brown eyes pleading her to speak to him. She sighed as she put a plain white bra down.

" I'm sorry. How did it go at the doctor?"

" Fine," she muttered coldly. " She said it's just a hormonal imbalance," she replied.

" Are you sure? So do you need to take medication or what?" he asked uncertainly.

" No, I'm fine. J-just leave me alone now, Monty," she sighed.

" I'm sorry," Monty insisted. " I really am. It's just with the dyspraxia and everything…I didn't mean it."

Josephine folded her arms, steeling her jaw and grinding her teeth. She wanted to look at him, but she couldn't bring herself. She had to make sense of it all first and she could only do it alone. Hurt, Monty heaved a sigh and stood up and walked over to the door. Before he left, he gave her the most apologetic smile he could muster. Then, finally, he stepped out of the room to give her the privacy she craved, but he didn't leave right away. He knelt down on his knees and peered through the crack in the door. Josephine was sitting on the bed in a foetal position, hugging herself, as she sobbed outwardly, her tears burning her cheeks. Monty had a feeling that everything was not fine after all, and he couldn't understand why Jo couldn't tell him. But like everything else on Monty's agenda, by morning this was all forgotten.


	7. The Sublime Surprise

Gladys Connolly was the average, everyday elderly lady approaching the age of seventy. She had lived in the tiny village on the shore of Lake Lachrymose her entire life and had gained somewhat celebrity status. There was not one person in that jolly old place who did not know who she was. She was famous for her kind and generous nature towards animals and small children, and for being a wonderful grandmother to three teenage granddaughters and a small, hyperactive grandson. She was also moderately well-known for her delicious cooking and her obsession with throwing dinners parties for all her dearest companions. But she was perhaps best known for the feud she had with her now-estranged middle child.

The elderly woman sat in the middle of The Anxious Clown, listening to the atmospheric sounds of bussing waiters and low hum of the people chattering around her as she sipped her hot cup of coffee. She couldn't shake the nauseous feeling she had now in her gut, even though she was quite healthy and had no reason to feel nauseous. Gladys had replayed the last heated argument that ended everything a thousand times in her head, the regret unbearable, the want to turn the clock back almost killing her. But when she received that life-changing telephone call a few days earlier, she prayed for a civil meeting, so she would be able to rectify the wrongs of the past. She also prayed for her child's health, well-being and happiness, even though she had no way of knowing that her daughter was healthy and happy. There was a dreadful moment when she believed that her precious baby had gotten terminally ill and was now on her deathbed, but her supportive sons soon assured her that their sister was most likely all right.

" Hello, I'm Matthew, I'll be your waiter this _fine _afternoon," cried Matthew in a sickeningly cheerful voice. " Would you like a refill?" he asked, gesturing to the coffee cup.

" No, thank you, young man. I'm all right," she said in a timid voice and looked anxiously over her shoulder towards the door.

" Is everything all right, Ma'am?"

Gladys gave the teenage waiter a small, appreciative smile. " I'm fine, thank you. I'm just nervous. I'm meeting my daughter for the first time in twenty years!" she replied.

" Yeah? That's pretty awesome!" Matthew exclaimed. " What's her name?"

" Josephine. She's beautiful."

The waiter gave a thoughtful expression, snapped his fingers and cried out, " I think I know her! Long, blonde hair? Pale skin, tall, skinny? Lived in a big house on the hill?" The woman nodded her head slowly, hanging on his every word. The description seemed to match Jo's appearance, but she had no way of knowing that. " She came in here once with some old guy. It looked like they were on a date. They were kissing and being gross. I haven't seen her since. I think she must've moved or something."

Gladys smiled again, but this time more widely, deciding that she'd give him a bigger tip than usual. " You've been most helpful today, Matthew. Do you have a girlfriend? I have a granddaughter about your age and it looks like-"

" Mom?"

Startled, Gladys whirled around, recognising the soft coo of her daughter's voice, expecting to see the petite little beanpole she knew a long time ago, but instead, laid eyes on the slightly ballooned version of her. The old lady leapt to her feet, stunned speechless, and stepped forward to wrap her cradling arms around her baby girl, never wanting to let go ever again. The young waiter sneaked away into the kitchen smiling, understanding that the two women would need their privacy. Gladys sobbed desperately, temporarily forgetting the hundreds of eyes of the other customers circling around her. Jo, too, wept silently into her mother's shoulder, the diamond-shaped drops dripping onto the back of her blouse. In this tight embrace, Josephine felt a comfort that she hadn't felt since the last time they hugged, and it was an incredible feeling to know that two people would one day depend on her for the same comfort. Gladys was reluctant to let her go, but she did anyway, and beckoned her to sit down.

" How are you then, Mom?" Jo asked, readjusting herself in her seat, subtly patting her belly.

" Oh, you don't have to worry about me. How's life treating you? How is Ike these days? I heard you two got married." The questions kept spilling out. " You look different somehow. Are you eating well? Do you have a job? Tell me everything."

Jo's eyes darted to her mother's cup, gravely saddened by the outburst of enquiries. She entwined her fingers in her lap before continuing. " There's something you should know."

" What, darling, what?" whispered Gladys, leaning forward, grabbing hold of her daughter's hand to comfort her, sensing that something was up.

" We did marry and we were married for a very long time...until August last year…" she began.

" He left you, huh?" the elderly woman guessed, raising an eyebrow, clucking her tongue.

" No, no. He, um, he died in the lake. He was eaten by the leeches," she muttered.

Gladys gave a loud gasp in shock. " Oh, darling!"

She was about to give her another hug, but Josephine stopped her. She had shed her tears for Ike, and she didn't want to be reminded of how much she'd lost. " There's something else you should know. It's why I called you," she whispered, nervously looking over her shoulder as if someone was spying on her. Gladys nodded to indicate that she was listening. " I'm pregnant, Mom. I'm fifteen weeks with twins."

Her mother's sapphire eyes widened and her jaw dropped. " Ike left you with two little babies to raise all on your own? Oh, how-"

Josephine shook her golden head. " They're not Ike's. They're someone else's. I know I rushed things, but we're in love. There's nothing to be done about it. His name is Monty. He's nearly fifty seven – a little older than I am, but that doesn't matter. He's a herpetologist. He's a very nice man, and kind and funny. I love him very much, Mom. He was a friend to me when I needed it the most. You'd like him."

Gladys raised her eyebrows again, not entirely impressed at the sound of this Monty. To her, it sounded as though the man was going through a mid-life crisis, seeing as he had impregnated a woman much younger than he was. " How did he take the news?"

" I haven't told him."

" What? You're fifteen weeks and you haven't told the _father_? What, are you going to wait until you're sitting on the toilet, crapping those two little kiddies out?" she blurted out, turning a head or two.

A small, helpless smile formed on Josephine's lips. She had forgotten about all the crazy ideas her mother came up with. " I wanted to tell you first. You're my mom!" The mother and daughter hugged again and after a few minutes, Josephine went on to ask, " So, how're Colin and Derek? Is Derek still with his fiancée?"

Gladys grinned and gave a hooting laugh. " Oh! He is! They married not long after you left and now they have three beautiful daughters! Look, I have photographs!" The old lady picked up her handbag, rummaged through her purse until she found a wallet-sized photograph of three young girls, who all strongly resembled their father. " That's Molly in the front there. She's seventeen. And there's Adrienne in the back – she's just turned twelve years old, bless her – and that's Jenny. She'll be fifteen in a few months. She's a heap of trouble, that one."

" Really?" Josephine giggled, gazing at the smiling faces of her nieces.

" Yes! She's a lot like what you used to be, but I don't think she's the sort to leave home." They shared eye contact for a second or two.

" Well, they're gorgeous. But what about Colin? Did that monkey turd ever tie the knot with anyone?" she asked, cheekily using a childhood nickname for her younger brother, resulting in a disapproving look from her mother.

" As a matter of fact, he did. He and Georgina have been together for about ten years now. They have a son now, named Bobby, who is five in September. Here's a picture of him."

She smiled, loving the feeling she had when she listened to the stories about her brothers. " Would you like to see a picture of Monty?"

" As long as he's handsome! And later, I can take you shopping for maternity things. That way we can talk more. My treat."

Jo raised her hands. " No, you don't need to do that."

" No! I'd like to! Plus, you can tell more about this Monty. I can also give tips on how to break the news to him."

Monty chuckled, eagerly rubbing his hands together. The nachos had been dowsed in runny cheese and the beer cans were chilling in the bucket of ice, the television blaring in the background. Since Josephine had disappeared for the day, Monty saw this as an opportunity to waste time with his best friend, Jerome, and wallow in his own disgusting manly habits. Then the door bell rang, and giggling manically like a pre-pubescent schoolboy, the overly enthusiastic herpetologist leapt to his feet and dashed to answer the front door. The toothy grin quickly faded when he saw the tall, slim woman with short, messy brown hair towering over him. Her hands on her hips, she scowled down at him, her theatrical eyebrows knitting together in disapproval. Monty was rendered speechless as she strode into the room, her incredibly high stiletto heels clanking rhythmically on the floor. Timid little Jerome followed, his round pink face slightly disheartened. Astonished, Monty tried to speak, but Jerome explained everything.

" I see you've met my wife, Esme," he said, smiling sheepishly. " I told her that I wanted to come here by myself, but as it turns out, spending time with your spouse is in. She hasn't left me alone for days," he added, lowering his voice to a hoarse whisper. " Sorry!"

" That's OK," the old man replied cheerfully, even though deep inside, he was gravely disappointed.

" Esme!" Jerome called out.

Esme, who had been _in_specting the Montgomery household closely, returned to the hall, where her doting husband and his weird, gnome-looking friend were talking. She gave a disgusted expression.

" Esme, this is Dr. Montgomery. My friend," the wealthy businessman told his stylish, equally wealthy wife. " Remember? I've told you about him."

" So this is the _in_famous Esme I've heard so much about?" said Monty politely. " Hi there." He outstretched his arm in order to let his unwanted guest shake his sweaty hand.

Esme didn't breathe a word. Instead, she let her disgust be known in a single, " Ew."

" Darling…" Jerome muttered, clenching his teeth.

" I won't catch his disease, will I?" she asked as if the host was not right in front of her, listening to her every word.

" Darling, why don't you go and see the reptile room? It's pretty interesting in there." Jerome planted a kiss on Esme's cheek before she rolled her pretty hazel eyes and stomped off. " I'm so sorry about that!" he muttered, his dark eyebrows raising with worry.

" It's OK. I used to get that all the time when I was a boy," Monty answered, trying not to sound hurt.

" She's all right most of the time. She just doesn't like talking to people who are out," he explained. " Well, that beer isn't going to drink itself! Come on!" he cried.

" Oh, yes! I've got nachos, too!"

Over the next couple of hours, the two men crowded around the television set, their leering eyes transfixed to the images of beautiful women in revealing outfits on The City's Next Top Model, as they crunched on their snacks and quenched their never-ending thirsts with alcohol, only to be annoyed once or twice by Esme who'd come to her husband to whine. Monty had planned to unfasten the buttons of his shorts, but since there was a woman present, he simply unbuttoned the first button on his shirt, a tuft of curly grey chest hair poking out. After a while, Jerome followed suit, feeling macho as he puffed out his chest like a superhero, despite the fact that his stomach resembled a giant inflatable beach ball. As the show ended and as they finished cheering for the winning contestant, the men quickly grew bored and began to talk about their partners in the most disrespectful manner possible.

" That's nothing," muttered Monty as he drank the last drop of his third beer after Jerome had gabbled on in great detail about Esme's nonexistent libido. " Jo and I haven't done it since December."

Jerome winced. " Ouch!" he exclaimed.

" I know. She's been acting really weird lately," Monty replied. " She says she feels sick all the time and she's been in such a mood."

Jerome burst out laughing as he reached for his fifth beer. " That's like Esme! She blames it on her 'monthly visitor', but I know she does it on purpose, like she gets some sorta thrill outta making me squirm. Women are so weird sometimes!"

A sideward smile spread across Monty's lips. " But you know what the best part is?"

Jerome gave a clueless expression. " What's so good about not doing it?"

" Her, uh, 'puppies' have swollen. Jo always needed help in that department."

" Oh, I am jealous, Mont! If only Esme's beanbags got bi-"

" Ahem!" came a high, fluty voice from the doorway. Esme was standing there, her skinny arms firmly folded, her long-nailed fingers drumming the air. " Jerome, I think we'd better leave. This place is so out! If my friends caught me here, I would never able to show my face in public again, so _you _will have to pay for a _new_ face!"

" But Esme-"

" No buts! I have to go to the In Boutique. Come on!"

Before Jerome could open his mouth to speak, Esme grabbed him roughly by the arm and pulled him out of the chair he'd been sitting on, dragging him to the front door. Helpless, the poor suffering husband shot a frightened glance at his best friend, who was staring in his direction in disbelief. Monty could see that one of Esme's long fingernails had caught on Jerome's wrist, drawing blood. Monty stood up, determined to stick up for his friend, but as he plodded stubbornly on behind them, he realised that there was nothing to be done. At that precise moment, happy Josephine stumbled in, chatting to her mother as she fought with the stubborn door lock. Her smile faded when she realised she was staring into the eyes of a woman who was much more attractive than her. When Esme laid her own eyes on this mousy, scruffy, tired looking woman, it felt as though she was about to die of an in-induced heart attack.

" Who's this?" she gasped, turning around to look at Monty in amazement. She looked back at Jo, lowering her body slightly as if she was about to recite a prayer. " She's so in."

" Who's that mad woman?" asked Gladys.

" I don't know, Mom," her daughter answered, shooting daggers at her boyfriend.

" Well, who's that?" asked Monty, pointing at Gladys.

" That just so happens to be my wife!" Jerome shouted, terribly offended that someone had dared to call his wife mad.

In all the confusion, Josephine, Gladys, Esme and Monty asked in unison, " Who the hell are you?"

" This is ridiculous!" Josephine cried. " Monty, this is my mother."

The old man blinked in surprise. The way his girlfriend talked about her mother led him to think that she was old, feeble and sick. He never expected her to look so young and pretty. For a split second, he believed that he'd made the wrong choice in woman. Shyly, he outstretched his arm. " Hello, uh, Mrs…?"

" Gladys Connolly," she piped up, smiling politely and shaking his hand. When they were finished greeting one another, she leant in to Josephine and whispered in her ear, " He's a small fellow, isn't he?"

" This is my best friend, Jerome Squalor, and his wife, Esme," he continued. Gladys shook their hands and said hello, having hello being uttered back at her.

" We were just leaving," Jerome mumbled, gulping nervously, tugging at his wife's arm.

" No, no. We don't have to leave just yet," replied Esme, still gawping at Josephine. " How did you get your hair in that state? It's so gorgeous, so _in_!"

" Uh…I haven't brushed it in a few days, if that's what you mean," she answered awkwardly.

" Oh! I should've known. I've tried to let my hair get messy, but it's just so naturally tidy. Having an unkempt appearance is in, and girl, you are _definitely _in!"

Jo blushed. " I am? Thank you. Um, I really don't want to seem rude, but there's an important matter I wish to discuss with that lovely little man over there, which would need some privacy," she said. " I'll phone you later, though."

" You, ring me? Oh! How _in_!"

" Thanks, Josephine. See you two lovebirds later," Jerome cried and pulled his wife out to the drive to their car to go home.

Monty blushed furiously. " Sorry about that," he mumbled.

" No, it's OK, baby," Jo whispered, poking a strand of her golden hair behind her ear, suddenly self-conscious about how to behaviour around her mother.

Gladys glowed with pride, grinning endlessly from ear to ear. " It looks like you two need to be alone."

She gave a wink and hugged her little girl before wandering into the living room. Frowning, Monty gave a confused expression. He had only met the woman a few moments ago and was now alone with his girlfriend to discuss an important matter, whatever that was. " What was that all about?"

Josephine averted her eyes for a moment, breathing deeply in and out, preparing for this massive speech – if only she knew what that was going to be. She swallowed and gradually realised what she was staring at – Monty's hands. The protruding veins, his ugly, stubby fingers, the unclean, short fingernails attached to them. She then knew the words. She slid her hands into his and brought them to the curve in her belly. Monty, quite literally, had no idea what was going on, but gently massaged her stomach, not feeling anything spectacular in it. " What do you feel?" she asked him in a whisper.

The man shrugged. " Don't know," he admitted.

" That's too bad because there are two babies in there," she announced, smiling.

Monty gulped and his eyes grew wide and his skin turned an unhealthy green. Like a tree being sawed down in the deepest depths of the Amazon rainforest, he keeled over backwards, smashing his head hard on the wooden floor. Shocked, Jo rushed to his side to make sure he wasn't seriously injured. After five seconds or so, he regained consciousness. He blinked, his vision blurred, and realised that his glasses had fallen off. Jo spotted them in the corner and gave them to him, and when he put them on his face where they belonged, he grabbed her by the shoulders and shook them vigorously.

" Babies?" he asked. " As in _twin _babies?"

Jo nodded. " Yes, Monty, I'm having twins! I should've told you sooner – I'm already fifteen weeks – but I was afraid of how you'd react."

" How did you think I was going to react? Rip my clothes off and run around naked, screaming my head off with terror until I get run over by the 11:15 train?" Josephine let out a hearty laugh, feeling more at ease. Monty touched her belly again and then kissed her passionately on the lips. " This is great! I'm going to be a dad!" He planted another tender kiss on her belly and rubbed it gently, knowing that he was going to be the best father of all time. " That explains why you've been moody lately," he said after a pause.

" I guess," she whispered faintly.

" Oh, this is fantastic! I always wanted to be a dad until it got too late. But not late enough, it seems," he rattled on. " I never thought Little Monty was ever capable of making twins!"

" Little Monty?" Jo suddenly felt nauseated.

Excitement surging through him, the herpetologist jumped up and pranced across the hall to the living room. " Would you like to stay for dinner, Mrs. Connolly? We're having twins!"


	8. The Pumping Party, or The Sweet Sonogram

When Monty met Josephine for the first time, she was quiet, timid, meek; not quite herself. But as their relationship began to flourish into something more, her confidence was restored and she became the things she truly was. Her daring, wild nature and her hunger for adventure. She became Jo. To see that transformation, Monty's heart filled with so much pride for her that it was hard not to cry whenever he thought about it. But as he watched her in the waiting room of the hospital that Monday morning on the last day of February three weeks and one day after he'd discovered the news, he couldn't shake the feeling that she had gone back to her old miserable ways. Her beautiful long yellow hair cascaded down past her shoulders to her waist, she had a strand between her index and middle fingers and she was twiddling it around, her wide sapphire eyes never blinking as she stared at a spot on the wall.

Her appearance had drastically changed due to her pregnancy. Usually small and petite, she now resembled some sort of Josephine-shaped balloon. Her pale thin cheeks were rounder and thicker and slightly redder. Her stick-like arms were now like fat sausages, ready to eat. But it was her belly and the infants inside it that had changed the most. When she first told her mother and Monty, it looked nothing more than a tennis ball, but now it looked as though she was smuggling a small soccer ball under her maternity blouse. Monty gulped as Jo folded her arms and began to jig her leg up and down as if she needed to use the hospital's facilities.

" Are you all right, my love?" he asked uncertainly and proceeded to drape his arms around her, if she let him.

Pulling away, she grunted and muttered, " No." She continued to stare at the wall, her mind elsewhere.

Monty sighed, observing her behaviour closely like she was a snake in a faraway jungle, not the mother of his unborn children. He couldn't distinguish her mood and he didn't know why. It was true that his disability sometimes made it difficult to do so, but with her, it had always been different. It was as if Jo was a powerful sorceress, who had the ability to take all his social problems away. But now, he couldn't work out if she was excited or that she dreaded to be there.

" Aren't you excited to finally see your babies for the first time?" he asked, feeling somewhat concerned.

Josephine heaved a deep sigh and reluctantly nodded her head. " I'm sorry, baby. It's just that I'm a little nervous," she admitted. " Ohh, I wish we could just get it over with!"

Monty smiled. " I feel that way myself. I want to know if they resemble me or not!" he cried excitedly.

At that, Jo couldn't help smiling. He was constantly saying stupid things like that. " I don't think we'd be able to tell just yet," she said.

" And when we find out what the genders are, we can look at all the baby name books!" he continued. " You know, I've always been fond of the name Cody for a girl."

His girlfriend raised a disapproving eyebrow. " I don't think so, baby."

A woman wearing an ugly, frilly brown blouse and comfortable looking shoes appeared by the door, holding a clipboard. " Josephine Anwhistle," she said in loud, clear voice.

Jo blinked in almost complete surprise that the woman knew her name. She let out a breath, releasing most of her nervousness in the process. Then she tried to stand up but found it rather difficult. Seeing that she was struggling, Monty jumped up, held out his hand for his lady to take. With a soft grunt, the pregnant woman lifted herself off the seat, squeezing her loving boyfriend's hands tightly as she steadied her balance. Together, hand in hand, the couple marched down the narrow corridor to the examination room, where the technician was waiting for them.

" Hi there," she cried cheerfully as they filed into the room. " How are you today?"

" Fine," Monty mumbled, a wave of shyness washing over him.

" A little nervous, I guess," said Jo.

The technician smiled, the wrinkles around her eyes deepening. " That's perfectly natural. There's nothing to worry about. We're just going to have a good ole gander at the babies' genitalia!" She gave a loud, obnoxious laugh which sounded similar to the honk of a Canadian goose. " I'm Rose."

" Hey!" cried Monty to Jo. " That might be a good name for a girl!"

Rose smiled again, showing her crooked teeth as she blushed. " I highly recommend it," she joked, her brown eyes sparkling. " Sit on the bed there and lift up your top," she told Josephine. Rose picked up the tube of the gel that is always used during ultrasounds. She pulled up a swivel lay. " It's so nice that your dad came along for support," she piped up.

Monty's eyes of chocolate widened in shock. " No, no, no, no. I'm not _her _dad, I'm theirs!" He gestured to the bump.

" Oh, um. Then…why are you so much older than her?"

" Because I was born first," the herpetologist muttered somewhat testily.

" So, do you have older children?"

He shook his head. " These are our first two children for the both of us."

She gawped in surprise. " Really?" she gasped and she blushed slightly with embarrassment. Jo and Monty exchanged exasperated looks.

" Can I just see my babies, please?" Jo's timid voice broke out.

" Oh, sure." Her cheeks returning to their usual colour, Rose squirted the gel on to Josephine's pelvis and found the spot in her abdomen where the infants were lying. " There they are!" she chorused.

Monty chuckled at the ghostly grey image of his children. " Look at that! Looks like that little guy is waving!" he boomed, laughing heartily again. " Hey there, little fella!" The goofy old man waved back at his son or daughter. " So, what's the verdict? What do we have?"

" Hang on a sec," Rose muttered under her breath. " See that little thing there?"

" It's a penis!" Monty blurted out, excited to know that he wasn't the only male in the room.

" Indeed it is. Nicely formed one, too!"

" Gets it from his dad," he announced proudly. " Isn't he beautiful, Josie?"

" Yes," she murmured faintly. She tried to swallow, but a lump had formed in her throat and tears started raining down her cheeks, dripping on to her shirt, leaving tiny dark purple marks.

" Aww, sweetie." Monty wrapped his arms around her and gifted her with a supportive, romantic kiss, gently rubbing her back.

" The other baby looks like she could be a girl." Rose took a closer look and muttered, " Yeah, she's a girl. You've got one of each. Congratulations, you two."

Grinning from ear to ear, Monty gave Jo another kiss and squeezed her hand, hardly believing that he was the father of two such beautiful infants. Jo's eyes were stinging from the tears that were burning her face. She began to shake violently under the weight of the joy and guilt that she was feeling in her brave heart. She had always secretly wished for a daughter, but also fancied the idea of having a son, and she suddenly found out that she was having both. But the guilt came from her thoughts that she should have mothered Ike's children instead of Monty's, despite the fact that she loved him dearly with all her heart. Monty held her close as she wept and he believed that Jo had never looked so beautiful before because she was carrying his precious children. Being in a profession that saw raw emotion and tears on a daily basis, Rose silently slipped away into the next room, giving them the gift of privacy. This was their moment; no one should've gotten in the way of that.

" A little boy _and _a girl," the father whispered. " What do you think of that? Hmm?"

Jo gave a sniff, wiping her sore eyes on her sleeve. " They're so beautiful and I'm a terrible person!" she sobbed, swinging her arms around, grabbing her boyfriend's shoulders.

" Ssh, ssh, my love. You are not," he whispered. " Olaf is, his gang are, but you are not. You're a wonderful person because you were the only person on this earth who was willing just to be with me. How can you think that? You're a beautiful human being."

She lowered her eyes, resting her hand on her belly. " Ike never wanted children and here I am, pregnant," she grumbled.

" Ike might not have; all he wanted for you was to be happy. You're happy with me and you're happy to be pregnant. Right?"

Josephine gave a subtle nod of the head. " I suppose."

" See? Getting in a state over nothing!" A grin spread across his fat face, bringing sunshine into Jo's world once again.

Later on the car ride home, Jo was flipping through the ultrasound photographs again, a grin on her lips and a smile in her puffy eyes. Even though they had the appearance of ghosts, the babies were so beautiful that their mother believed they were the most beautiful babies in existence. Behind the wheel, Monty watched her out of the corner of his eye and smiled to himself, happy to find that Jo had perked up since their small conversation at the hospital. He began to contemplate possible names.

" What about Bobbie for the girl and Damien for the boy?" he piped up.

" Ew, no way! Damien is an ugly name and Bobbie is too masculine. Besides, that's my nephew's name," she replied as she gently stroked the hazy cheek of her daughter.

" OK. Well, what about Andy and Toni?"

" That's even worse!" the grammar lover cried through a fit of laughter as she tried to imagine calling her babies Andy and Toni for the rest of her life. " You're really into masculine female names, aren't you? The names need to be meaningful; something that's important to the both of us."

" Why not Jai and Ike?" he muttered.

" Ja-" Josephine paused, a twinge of sadness stabbing her heart. She looked down and it felt as though she was about to cry, but she was too tired from weeping earlier. Then she looked at Monty, who had been stricken with the same sadness. " Monty, those people were very important to us, but I can't bear the thought of calling our children that. You're still hurting over Jai and I'm still hurting over Ike. We can't do that to ourselves."

" Well, you think of something."

She thought for a few minutes and smiled. " Hmm…Marley and…Hannah," she said finally.

" Now those are ugly!"

" We could ask Esme at the party tonight," suggested Jo, referring to the surprise party that Jacques, Kit and R were throwing for Lemony's thirty-sixth birthday. " She always has good ideas."

The herpetologist shook his head immediately. " No way. She'd only come up with weird, in names like Brody or Pumpernickel. Besides, she and Jerome aren't going to the party."

She gasped, feeling disappointed that her friend wouldn't be there for the festivities. " Oh, why?"

" Dunno. Some sale at the In Boutique."

The clock struck 7pm and the Montgomery family car parked on the road opposite Lemony's house, where a bunch of other vehicles were parked. As Monty helped Jo get out of the passenger seat, it was clear that the guest of honour hadn't arrived yet because all the lights were out. When the couple got closer to the large cosy home, Jo rang the doorbell and a few minutes later, the light in Lemony's living room was switched on and Kit came to answer the front door. The door swung open to her flushed grinning face, then it quickly faded.

" Oh, it's you," she muttered. " Well, come on in!" she added cheerfully, briskly beckoning them into the house. Since her last appearance in this epic tale of love and romance, Kit had also become pregnant. Even though she wasn't as pregnant as Josephine, it was starting to become obvious in her chest, face and, of course, stomach. " Lem's not here yet."

" Yes, we can see that," replied Monty, smiling widely as he hugged his close acquaintance. " How are you?"

" Sorry, we don't have time to talk!" she answered in a hushed voice. " Lemony's due to come home at any minute!" she continued excitedly. " Come on!"

The former teenage mother led the couple through to the hall, where they were greeted by the stifled giggles of the other guests who were hiding behind and under furniture, waiting to shout, " Surprise! Happy birthday!" Kit gazed around, sighing deeply. There were guests in all the rooms and there were not many good hiding places left. After thinking for a second or two, she came up with a great idea.

" I've an idea!" she said, snapping her fingers. " Monty, hide under the stairs. Josephine, hide behind the kitchen door!" Suddenly, a car could be heard outside and its door opening and closing. Kit gasped. " That's him! Hide! Quickly!"

As quick as he could, the herpetologist galloped over to the stairs and hid under it, banging his head in the process, but he had no time to express his pain. He wanted to make sure everything was perfect for his compatriot's birthday surprise. Jo, on the other hand, was not so quick. Her run had involuntarily been slowed down to a waddle – mostly due to her pregnancy and stiff knees from the car journey. She only managed to get to the kitchen just as Kit went to let her younger brother in. Slamming the door behind her, Jo hoped that he wouldn't notice. Kit's emerald eyes lit up behind her rectangular glasses and she grinned as she brought him in for a warm hug. When they parted, Lemony's eyebrows knitted together into a frown, evidently clueless about what was going on. The frown gradually melted into a suspicious sideward smile.

" What are you doing here?" he asked his only sister.

" Well, it's your birthday, isn't it? R invited us to dinner," she replied, still smiling and her eyes sparkling.

Lemony frowned again. " R invited you? But we were planning to go to the cinema tonight! And what do you mean 'us'? Jacques and Granddad and Grandma aren't here, are they?" he asked worriedly.

" No," she said slyly.

Charles, Dewey, Justice Strauss, Jacques and his girlfriend, Evadne, Chas, Josh as well as Stephin, Beatrice and Bertrand and Jo and Monty jumped out of their hiding places and bellowed, " SURPRISE!" Then they began singing For He Is a Jolly Good Fellow. Taken completely by surprise, Lemony felt his words escape him as he was rendered speechless. The shock still not waning, he couldn't keep his hands still because they were trembling so much. Everyone laughed as the author's mouth gaped open. Kit gave him a sweet, sisterly kiss on the cheek and they hugged for the second time.

" So that's what you meant by 'us'!" he cried. " This is phantasmagorical!"

" Happy birthday, angel," Evadne piped up and she detached herself from the crowd to give her grandson a bone-crushing cuddle.

" Thanks, Grandma," he muttered, his voice muffled from being squeezed.

" Thirty six years old," Beatrice tried. " It's hard to believe!" She chuckled heartily, her laugh sounding like music.

" Yeah!" Stephin cried. " It seems like only yesterday we were throwing spitballs at Nero during his recitals!"

" Wait until you're my age!" Monty exclaimed.

Lemony's face seemed to have split in two; his grin was that wide! " Thank you, everybody. This is such a surprise," he said. He gazed around the room, realising that there was a face missing. " But where's R?"

Jacques and Kit looked at each other, giving one another identical mischievous grins. " She'll be arriving later," Jacques explained, folding his arms and covering a snigger with his hand. " She has some work to do."

Lemony gave a sly smirk, knowing all too well that his fiancée had organised an even bigger surprise in store for him, but he decided not to question his siblings any further, as this would spoil the fun. " Well, in that case," he began. " We should get this party into full swing until she gets here!"

Everyone gave an almighty cheer of agreement. They began to shuffle into the living room, where they could dance to the music that Evadne played on the record player, or sit and talk, or drink and eat the finger sandwiches, cheese on crackers, crisps and chips that were all laid out on the table. While Chas and Evadne made Charles cringe with embarrassment by dancing along to fast techno music, Jo was sitting in the corner talking to Kit about their pregnancies.

" How were you with the morning sickness?" asked Jo, who, for some reason, had an obsession with asking mothers about this particular stage in the first trimester.

" I was really bad. Wasn't I, Dew?" Kit answered.

" Huh?" replied Dewey, who was busy getting his groove on on the dance floor. As his future stepfather, this consequently mortified Josh with pure embarrassment.

Kit smiled warmly and went back to the conversation. " I was so bad that Dewey had to take time off work to look after me," she said, patting the curve in her stomach. " Anyway, how were you? I heard that symptoms are usually worse with twins."

" I heard that, too, but I was fine."

" You didn't throw up at all?"

" Yeah, I did a little bit. I threw up every morning, felt nauseous for a few hours, but I felt fine by the afternoon," she replied, eyeing Monty in the opposite corner with a smile on her lips.

" That is weird," Kit commented. " So, when are you due?" she asked casually.

" July 31st."

Kit's jaw dropped. " That's my due date, too! That's totally weird!" she cried.

Jo let out a hearty chuckle. " I tell you what. Let's make a bet on who gives birth first. $5."

Kit gave a smug smile. " Done."

The women shook hands.

" We all know who's going to win. Better give me that $5 now," Jo replied confidently.

Kit let out a mocking laugh. " Oh, we'll see about that!"

Just then, Monty removed himself from the conversation he was apparently having with Stephin, grabbing a glass of white wine off the table as he approached the gossiping women. Once he overheard the last words of their fading discussion, a toothy grin spread across his fat face, knowing instantly what they had been talking about.

" Hi, ladies and babies!" he cried.

" Hey, Monty," answered Kit, smiling politely at her friend. " I bet you're excited about being a dad."

" Oh, I am!" he boomed as the grin stretched even wider and he placed a loving hand on Jo's shoulder. " I'm going to be so busy after they're born! It's going to be great! Oh, I can't wait! Jo, why can't you have the little guy and gal _now_?" he whined childishly.

" Guy and gal? You're having one of each?" Kit asked. She smiled, a jealous look in her eye. " I wish I could be as lucky as you. I don't know for sure what I'm having, but I'm pretty certain it's another boy," she muttered gloomily as if having a second son was a bad thing. " Anyway, do you have names yet?"

Jo shook her head. " We had the scan just today, so we have plenty of time for that stuff."

" Hmm…For mine, I thought of Adam or Kyle. But Dewey says they're boring names. He just keeps suggesting girls' names, which just makes me feel bad!"

" You never know," Monty piped up. " The chances are fifty-fifty, right? And you've only had one boy, so…" He trailed off, for he had no idea how to get his message across.

" He's right, you know," Josephine said.

A small, modest smile crept along Kit's mouth as she blushed. " Thanks, guys, but I just don't want to get my hopes up."

" Where's the harm in that?" asked Monty. " Even if this one isn't a girl, there's always the next one!"

Kit's emerald eyes did a gambol behind her glasses. " Like we'll have another chance! Do you know how many hormones I had to take?"

" Hey," Jo said, nudging her shoulder. " Look at me. I'm way older than you and I got pregnant with _twins_ the first time Monty and I had sex."

Kit laughed and rolled her eyes, clucking her tongue, too embarrassed to admit that she felt better. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Jacques by the light switch. The Snicket woman let out a gasp and stood up, not believing that she had forgotten. Monty shot Josephine a nervous glance, until Kit dashed out of the room and thundered up the stairs. Then Jacques flipped the switch and Evadne changed the upbeat techno music to a slower, sensual, seductive piece of music, originating from a country in the Middle East. With the slightest idea what was going on, there were confused murmurs scattered throughout the small crowd. In the dark, Monty began to feel uneasy for he was aware that he could harm himself or someone else if he had a dyspraxic moment. As he listened to the sounds of hurrying footsteps zooming up and down the stairs, he heard Lemony musing out loud to his nephew about what was happening. But before Monty could give his answer, he spotted the hazy outline of a large object by the living room doorway, which had been brought in by the older Snicket siblings. Finally, Jacques flipped the switch again, the blinding yellow light disabling everyone for a few seconds. Then when it cleared, they could see that the object was an enormous sponge cake with many layers and delicious looking white icing on the top.

" Happy birthday, little brother!" Jacques cried cheerily. " This is _just _for you! Nobody else." He winked suggestively.

Lemony raised an eyebrow. " It's a giant cake. There's no way I can eat it all by myself! I'd make myself sick!"

The twins grinned identical wide grins as the top layer of the cake started to wobble, ever so slightly. Then it was lifted upwards and a beautiful, slim woman slid out of it, wearing nothing but her skin. It reminded Monty of a snake from India that was famed for its deadly seductive dance. Her wild, blood-red hair cascaded down her naked spine as she moved her delicate hips in a slow, steady rhythm, making the entire room fall silent as if she had cast an enchantment on them, and she had. She looked down, concentrating on making her dance as perfect as she could. Lemony swallowed hard, his temperature rising, his trousers feeling tighter. An awkward smile on her lips, she glided over to him, raising her arms above her head as she continued to dance. She lowered her arms again, over Lemony's head to his shoulder to give him a suggestive embrace and she clumsily wrapped her left leg around his legs. Monty let out a gritting laugh to express his appreciation for the show, resulting in a disapproving glare from the mother of his children. The woman looked back and smiled at him, her face clearly tense but she winked discreetly at him. Lemony's jaw hit the floor as she ran a finger down his chest to the place where his heart would be.

" Happy birthday, you!" she whispered in his ear, a distinctive Canadian accent coiling out of her mouth. She clung to his shoulders and brought him for a passionate kiss on the lips.

Lemony chuckled, his cheeks slightly flushing. " R, are all Canadians this crazy or is it just you?" he asked his fiancée of six years with a warm chuckle.

R giggled. " You just got lucky, I guess!" she answered as Kit came to bring her a dressing gown.

" And I love you for that," Lemony replied, kissing her this time.

As the couple pressed their lips against one another's, the entire room cheered and clapped enthusiastically, knowing that they would be married the next year. R let out an overly enthusiastic laugh, her snow-white cheeks turning slightly red. She was clearly embarrassed at what she had just done. She had initially planned to do it when she and Lemony were alone. In the corner, Monty smiled, his handsome brown eyes sparkling with overwhelming happiness. Despite not knowing each other that well, he and R often engaged in long intimate discussions, for the simple reason that they had the same gift – dyspraxia – though R's case was considered a lot more severe as she had ADHD as well as dyspraxia. When they got together, they would usually talk about their pasts, and how they dealt with bullying, strict teachers, fake friends, tying shoelaces. And for R to open up like that was immense. She suffered from a low self-esteem and would often rant to Monty about not being smart enough or not being beautiful or not being good enough for Lemony. To appear naked in front of people was the biggest step she could possibly have taken, filling the scientist with a sense of pride for her. R caught him smiling at her, so she carefully slipped through the gathering crowd.

" What did you think?" she asked breathlessly.

" Well, Monty liked it!" Jo cried, playfully tapping her boyfriend on the arm.

R giggled, noticing his discomfort. " I bet he did!"

" Hey, I'm right here!" he butted in. " You were great. You were beautiful."

R gave a small, sad smile. She lowered her eyes to the ground for a moment before looking back at Lemony as she nervously combed her fingers her long, straggly curls. " I'm not beautiful," she confessed. " You're beautiful, Jo," she grumbled miserably.

" I don't feel beautiful!" she retorted, moving about uncomfortably as a gas bubble shifted inside of her.

" Bah!" Monty exclaimed. " You're _both _beautiful! Though R might be slightly hotter!"

R blinked in surprise and blushed violently. Her feelings about herself instantly lifted from her shoulders.

" Monty Montgomery!" Jo snapped, smacking him hard in the arm.

" Hey, I'm a man, aren't I?"

By one o'clock in the morning, the party was starting to wind down and everyone began to drive home – except for those who were drunk and went home in taxis. After Monty, Lemony and Stephin helped fix Chas and Evadne's car, which conveniently couldn't start when they tried it, they said their goodbyes to one another and Monty drove Josephine and himself home. The poor woman was exhausted and had fallen asleep on the way. Seeing her with her head tilted back in the seat made Monty feel incredibly happy. Out of the corner of his eye as he concentrated on the road, he reached out a hand and gave the bump a loving, gentle pat.

" I'm gonna be a good dad," he muttered to himself under his breath.

Suddenly, Josephine stirred. With her eyes clamped shut, she mumbled, " Did you say something, baby?" She turned her head the other way, wriggling her plump body to make herself comfortable. Within seconds, she was fast asleep again.

A grin spread across Monty's wrinkled face. " Yeah. I did."


	9. The Faithful Father

As the months dragged by like years, the couple went on as normal, though the pregnancy sometimes made it difficult. Whenever Monty had an important business meeting at the Herpetological Society, Josephine would often whine about being left alone in a big empty house. And because her bladder was getting smaller, Jo would sometimes interrupt Monty while he was doing something in the bathroom, like when this chapter begins. It was a bright sunny morning at the end of May when Monty awoke to find Jo still deeply sleeping. He smiled contently at her before stretching his arms and groaning loudly. As he let out a mighty long yawn, he plodded off down the hall to the bathroom to shave and to brush his teeth.

" My, my! You are looking _incredibly _attractive this morning!" he said cheerily to himself as he saw his reflection in the mirror. " Gotta do my toothies!"

He picked up his blue toothbrush with a never-ending smile on his face. His toothbrush had a special grip on it so he could it properly with his hand aching. He'd had this grip since it was given to him by an occupational therapist he used to visit to help him develop ways to improve his fine motor skills. Then, with somewhat difficulty, he squeezed the end of the toothpaste tube. The bright blue paste fell onto the counter as his hand slipped.

" Dammit!"

He succeeded at the second attempt. Smiling again, he shoved the brush into his mouth. Brushing each tooth as thoroughly as he could, great lumps of paste and saliva dribbled out of his mouth. He was quick to wipe it away with a towel. Content in his own little world, he was startled (and a little disappointed) to hear urgent knocks on the door.

" Monty! Monty, I need to go!" came Jo's urgent cries.

To be able to speak, Monty spat into the sink. " Go downstairs!" he shouted.

" No, I need to go _now_!" she whined. " I'm about to go! Oh, I'm going!"

Quick as a flash, Monty unlocked the door, letting her in. She dashed to the toilet, her feet barely touching the tiles and she relieved herself.

" Aah!" she breathed in relief. She opened her eyes to see Monty standing helplessly in the corner with his hands over his eyes. She frowned in anger. " What are you doing? Get out!" she snapped.

Like a small child who didn't get his way, the old man stuck his bottom lip out as he shuffled out of the room. He loved Jo, of course, but couldn't help resent the fact that she was always bursting in on him. When he was living on his own, this would _never_ have happened. Before he went down to feed his reptiles, he pressed his ear to the door. Jo had already switched on the radio, so he couldn't hear what she was doing in there. He heaved a sigh and decided to leave her to it. She was in there for entire time he fed them _and _himself. Just as he was clearing away the dishes, he heard her footsteps on the stairs. He looked up when she appeared in the doorway with an extremely satisfied expression on her face.

" Oh, hi, honey," he muttered.

" Hey," she answered back, giving him a small wave. " Sorry I snapped at you. I just really needed to go!"

Monty shook his head. " Say no more, Josie. You're pregnant. You're peeing for three."

She smiled broadly. " Guess what?" she whispered.

" Hmm? What?"

" I…I, uh, I pooped."

That got Monty's attention. He looked up at her, his eyes wide with astonishment and his glasses slid down his nose in surprise. Never in all their months of dating, had he ever heard her utter the word 'poop'. He felt his cheeks go red. " Uh, well, uh…Th-that's good. Pooping is good."

" It's better than good! It's brilliant! Why, the last time I pooped was…was last Sunday!" she cried. She sighed. " I feel like celebrating! Can you whip up some cranberry pancakes for me?" she asked in a cheerful voice.

Monty laughed and grinned. " Cranberry pancakes comin' right up!"

" And with chocolate sauce, too!" she piped up. " I want lots of it! I could easily wolf down a house _made _of chocolate!"

" Hey! Save some for me, will ya?" He chuckled.

Monty made her some delicious cranberry pancakes, all drowning in chocolate sauce. As she hungrily stuffed her face, they began talking about their plans for the upcoming day.

" Esme, Kit, and my mom, and I are going shopping today. We're going to get baby things! I can't wait!" Jo cried excitedly as she wiped her mouth with a napkin.

" Sounds good," Monty mumbled from across the breakfast table. Like every other man on the planet, he had never understood women's obsession with shopping. " I, unfortunately, can't go anywhere today. Tommy Tortoise isn't too well. He won't touch his food, so I'm keeping an eye on him until a vet gets here."

He lowered his eyes, devastated at the thought of losing his oldest reptile. Jo saw that and tried all she could to comfort him. " Ohh, Monty-Moo! I hope he's all right. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't give him cuddles anymore!"

" Yeah…" He caught a glimpse of his watch and he stood up, gasping. " Gosh, I need to give him his water bottle! Have a nice time shopping, darling!" he cried briskly. He kissed her on the cheek before dashing into the reptile room. Then Josephine decided it was best to go back upstairs to change clothes.

Later that afternoon, after the four women had spent the last several hours gossiping obsessively and fawning over the sizes of babies' clothes, were now walking through the mall, chattering and giggling, as they went to find a café to eat lunch.

" Those little red shoes were adorable!" Gladys cooed. She referred to a pair of sandals for young baby girls she'd spotted in the shop they had just exited.

" They were _so in_!" Esme crowed. Several shopping bags hung down from her arms, swinging around, hitting passers-by in the legs. She readjusted the sunglasses over her eyes that covered most of the upper part of her face – wearing huge sunglasses indoors was also in, it seemed. She had never really considered having children, but seeing all those clothes and diapers and pacifiers made her think she should start. And unbeknownst to her, the conception process was already almost over.

" Oh, yes!" Kit cried enthusiastically. She rested her small, delicate hands on her growing belly and felt the baby move about inside. " Why didn't you buy them, Jo?" she asked.

The long walks around the mall had gotten to the poor mother-to-be. Dull aches hung around in the joints of her limbs and it was starting to become increasingly difficult to keep up with the others. " Why didn't _you_, Kit?" she murmured breathlessly.

" Hmm?" she asked, turning her head.

" Why didn't _you_ buy them? I mean…They were too fancy for me, and you really liked them," she muttered. No one noticed the beads of sweat on her forehead. Feeling faint, she stopped walking and closed her eyes to take a few moments to recuperate.

" They _were_ gorgeous, I suppose," Kit admitted. " But I won't buy them 'cause I'm still convinced this little one is a boy."

" Don't worry, dear," said Gladys reassuringly. " Whatever you have, you're gonna love it."

" Yes, Kit," Esme chimed in, her focus on a nearby shop window. She had her eye on a beautiful beige suede jacket. " Think of all those women who'd love to be your position."

A sideward smile formed on Kit's freckled face. She turned her head again, " All right, Jo, you've convinced m-"

She stopped. Several paces behind them all, Jo's face was white as a sheet and she was doubling over. As bright bluish-grey swirls surrounded her eyes, the world danced around her and it felt as though her head was weightless. She was going to faint, and she knew that. But she had to stay strong. But in the end, the dizziness overtook her and, letting out a groan, she collapsed to the floor. Gladys gasped, and like a bullet from a gun, she was right by her daughter's side. She brushed Josephine's cherished long golden hair out of her eyes and she cupped her face in her hands. Standing by them, Kit and Esme watched on, their eyebrows furrowed both in worry and concern for their friend. Jo was still not coming to, and Gladys had no choice.

Her hand clasped around her daughter's, she firmly told them, " We need an ambulance."

Esme snapped her fingers. " I'm on it!" she exclaimed, quickly rummaging through her pink leather purse for her mobile phone.

A brain-rattling constant noise screeching in her ears, a hazy but blinding light shining in her eyes, sudden jerks startling her, Josephine slowly started to wake up. In her delirium, she swore she could see Ike, hovering above her like some distant protector. She made a faint, weak noise, and after a few minutes, her eyes fluttered fully open. The noise she'd heard was the urgent siren of the ambulance that was now rushing her to hospital. Terrified, she realised she couldn't move her head. The paramedics had strapped her to the stretcher. Moving her eyes about wildly, she quickly began to panic. Her breath becoming short, she saw her mother in the corner and a kind-looking paramedic sitting next to her.

He smiled warmly at her. " Hi there, princess!" he hollered cheerfully. " I'm Jeff. Your mum's been telling me you weren't too well earlier, so we're taking you to hospital just to make sure you're all OK. All right, princess?"

Josephine tried to nod, indicating that she understood.

" She awake, then, I take it?" another voice came. This loud, cheery voice belonged to a masculine, middle-aged woman with short blonde hair, who was in the driver's seat in the front. Jo frowned in surprise at the terrible grammar she was using.

" Yes, Dix. Just came 'round."

Worriedly, Gladys took Jo's hand and gave it a loving squeeze. They smiled at one another. " It's going to be OK," she whispered, before leaning forward to lay a kiss on her mouth.

" M-m…" she tried to say, but felt too weak.

" Ssh…Ssh, ssh," Gladys whispered. " I'm here, sweetheart."

" Yeah," Jeff butted in. " Don't worry, darling, Mum's here."

" M-m-mah! Mah-onty!" Jo finally croaked. " Monty! I want-"

" I'll call him when we get there. OK?"

" Monty your husband, is he?" asked Jeff.

" He's her boyfriend," Gladys corrected, " and the father of her little boy and girl." She gestured elaborately to the huge bump in Jo's belly.

Jeff quirked his eyebrows, impressed. " Lucky guy."

Meanwhile, across town, Monty was at home in his reptile room, affectionately stroking Tommy's shell. The creature was growing weaker and weaker. The sadness in Monty's handsome brown eyes was becoming apparent. He urged the tortoise to eat, but he turned his nose up at it.

" Oh, Tommy," Monty muttered worriedly. " What's up with you, eh? How can I make you better?" He heaved a deep sigh, swallowing hard as he got a lump in his throat. " Remember when we found you in the Galapagos Islands? We all had a go at riding on your back. You nearly threw me off! Remember?" Tommy affectionately nudged against Monty's arm and gave his hand a curious sniff. " Come on, old boy, you gotta eat."

Suddenly, the telephone rang. Curiously, the herpetologist stood up to answer it.

" H-h-h-h-hello, D-Dr. Montgomery sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-speaking. What? What happened?" he asked, his eyebrows knitting together. Gladys' voice sounded worried. " Is she OK? Are the kiddies OK? Right, OK. OK. I'll-I'll be right over! Yeah, tell her not to worry. Yeah. See you in a minute!" He slammed the receiver back on the hook, the worry for his girlfriend welling up in him, and he dashed over to the coat hanger to pick up his jacket. He rushed back to see Tommy, who was still hopelessly walking around the reptile room in a slump. He looked up at his master with pleading eyes. " Don't look at me like that!" Monty complained. " Jo is sick. I need to go and see her at the hospital. I want all that food gone by the time I'm home. OK?"

It took Monty twenty minutes to drive to the hospital, and he even drove through a red light a couple of times just so he would get there quicker. He saw as good practice for when it was time for the babies to be born. From the car park, he ran throughout the entire building to try and find her. Five or ten minutes later, he spotted Esme, Kit and Gladys sitting together in the waiting room in the Emergency Room, quietly talking as Kit stuffed her face with a packet of crisps.

" Kit! Esme! Mrs. Connolly!" he called. They stood up and approached him. " How's Josie doing?"

Esme rolled her hazel eyes and clucked her tongue as if she was impatient or annoyed. " She's not _too _bad," she crowed.

" She's fine," Kit told him, her jaw bouncing up and down as she chewed the potato snack.

" Well, what's wrong with her? You just said she fainted," Monty replied, his face going pale.

Gladys shrugged. " She refused to tell me. You'd better ask her. She's in there." She pointed in the direction of the private room where Josephine was resting.

Monty smiled in thanks. " Thank you for being there with her. I really appreciate it."

He entered the room and was touched by the sight he saw. Jo was sitting upright in bed, her enormous bump sticking out, and smiling and talking to her children inside her belly. A grin spread across the old man's face in relief. The colour in her cheeks had returned, though she still looked exhausted from her countless sleepless nights of trying to find a comfortable position.

" Josie-Do," whispered Monty.

" Baby," she cried, startled by the sound of his voice. She pulled down her top.

" What's wrong?" he asked. He crept closer to the bed. He placed his right hand on her belly and the other on Josephine's cheek. Their lips met.

Jo heaved a sigh, rolling her eyes with embarrassment. " I fainted because of high blood pressure. I'm so embarrassed."

" Don't be. And how're the kids?"

" They're fine. Though one of them has been kicking like mad." She paused. " He did it again!" she cried out.

Monty chuckled. " So you're OK?"

She shook her head. " The doctor has put me on bed rest until the end of my pregnancy, and he's given me a load of medication and…" She shrugged her shoulders.

The old man had no idea what to say. Instead, he came out with something he hadn't said before. " That sucks."

Josephine smiled weakly. " Well, anyway, they'll keep me here for the next few hours, and then I can go home. I'll be glad to, I tell you that."

" And I'll take care of you," Monty said determinedly. " I'll do all the chores!" he promised. " I'll answer to your every whim! If you want food, I'll bring you food! If you want help in the bathtub, I'll help! If you're bored outta your mind, I'll do a sexy dance!"

His girlfriend sniggered helplessly. " I'd like to see that!" she giggled.

" I-I'll have the t-t-tassels and the lot, if you want!" He grinned smugly.

" I'm liking that image, Mont!"

When Jo returned home, Monty was _better_ than his word. Although he didn't do a sexy dance like he had promised, he spent his every waking moment taking care of Josephine. He set up one of the guestrooms for her, which would serve as her luxurious prison cell. He made up the bed the way she liked it – with the pillows all spread across the mattress, so her body would be well-supported and comfortable as she slept. With the help of Jacques Snicket, he moved the television from the downstairs living room to the bedroom, so she wouldn't get bored during the day and so they could watch their shows together like they always did in the evenings. He gave her his laptop that he never used, so she could chat to Kit and Esme online, and watch amusing videos. And lastly, he set up the baby monitor, so they could communicate throughout the house, in case Jo wanted or needed anything.

At first, Josie was dumbfounded that he had gone to all that trouble to look after her, but felt safe in his care if anything happened. In fact, she had a bit of fun taking advantage of it. Whenever Monty was busy – like when he was working or cooking or doing something else that required his full attention – she would switch on the baby monitor and whine about being hungry, tired or bored, even when she wasn't. But Monty would always be good to her and take care of the matter within minutes. But as the weeks wore on, the novelty began to fizzle out and she grew bored of lying about all the time. At times, she wanted to rip the babies right out of her gut, just so she could be active again, but she knew that would be an incredibly stupid thing to do. A few days before Dewey and Kit were due to be married, Jo was looking up baby names on the laptop as Monty sat at the end of the bed, flicking through the television channels with the remote. He found a show he liked. It was an episode of a wildlife documentary series with an eccentric Australian zoologist getting up close and personal to the most dangerous reptiles on the planet. Monty had always modelled himself after this man.

" You know," she piped up, " we could always name them after family members. For the boy, we could name him Arthur, after my own dad. Arthur Montgomery has a nice ring to it. Don't you think?"

" Hmm…Yeah…" His eyes grew big as he stared at the screen.

" Monty!" she snapped.

" Whoa! Look at the size of that croc!" he cried, pointing and chortling at the screen.

Annoyed, Jo felt like kicking him. But since she had the laptop balanced on her belly, she couldn't move that well, so she just nudged him lightly with her foot. That did the trick. Monty blinked in surprised and turned to face her.

" What was that for?" he whined.

She heaved a sigh. " I was just saying that we could name the kids after family members. I suggested Arthur for the boy."

He considered the idea for a moment, but then he shrugged. " Why not name after 'em this guy?" He pointed at the television screen. She raised a disapproving eyebrow and Monty noticed. " What? His and his wife's names go _perfectly _with Montgomery."

The stubborn mother shook her golden head firmly. " No, Monty, they don't."

The old man shrugged his shoulders again. " Do we really have to give them 'normal' names? I mean, Arthur's nice an' all, but it's so plain! Why don't we give them quirky names?"

A sly, sideward smile formed on the pregnant woman's plump face. " I thought you didn't like quirky names?" she crowed.

" I've done some thinking about that," he said. " I thought a unique name would give 'em some personality."

" Like what?" she riddled curiously.

" You know, like a celebrity baby or something." He paused to think of a name off the top of his head. " Cody for a girl! I _love _that name! Please, Jo, can we name the girl Cody?"

Josephine had always been insistent that she would never name her daughter that in a million years, despite the fact that Monty was always nattering on about what a cute name it was. It was the first time she considered it. " Cody Montgomery…" she mumbled under her breath. Her eyes lit up with delight and she grinned from ear to ear.

Monty was ecstatic to see her happy facial expression. " See, I told you! I'm not a complete idiot!"

" That's genius!"

He beamed smugly, showing all his teeth.

" But what about the poor boy? I swear I've looked through every website and I can't find anything I like!" she moaned, furrowing her eyebrows in frustration. " It's seems he's going to be nameless for the rest of his life!" After a brief pause, she continued to rant. " Oh, I wish they would just get here already!" she yelled. " We have the nursery ready, and the cradles and the diapers and the clothes, and I've read every parenting book I own _eight times! _That's a lot of books, Monty!" Monty gave a sympathetic smile as he watched her move the laptop out of the way and pull up her shirt to beg the children to arrive. " What's taking you two so long? COME OUT!"

" They're never going to come out if you keep shouting at them like that," their father joked.

" I just can't take this sitting around anymore. It's driving me _bananas!_"

" Shut your crying up now," he whispered softly. Gently, he brought his hands to her belly. " Look, I know we can't just make them come out, but think of how happy you'll be when they're here. We'll think of a name for our little boy. Don't worry now." He put his red head down and he laid a long, fatherly kiss on the stretched skin of his girlfriend's belly.

Still frustrated, Josephine let the last of it out in a long exhale. " You're right," she breathed. " I'm…I'm just tired of this now."

Monty stood up from the bed. " Yeah." He nodded his head gently.

He went to the doorway to leave, but not before Jo told him, " You're a faithful father, you know. I can't believe you let those skills go to waste for all those years."

He smiled somewhat sheepishly, blushing so hard that his cheeks matched the colour of his hair. " Well, now I'm finally going to use them," he whispered. " You get your rest now."

He left the room and closed the door quietly behind him as Jo settled down for a nap. She hadn't slept that well the night before. As he bounded down the stairs, he smiled contently to himself. It hadn't thought about it in a while, but he really was looking forward to all those precious moments with his babies that he would treasure until the end of his days. First words, first steps, first day at school, first girlfriend and boyfriend, graduation. Maybe even grandchildren, if he'd live long enough to see them. He wandered back to the reptile room to play with Tommy Tortoise – who, thank goodness, became well again after Josephine was brought home from the hospital – but before he went inside, he noticed something on the wall. It had always been there – he could still vividly remember putting it up twenty seven years before when he first moved into the house – and he never gave it any thought. He just liked it being there. It was the map of the state of South Dakota. As he stared at it now, something went _click! _in his mind.

" Dakota…" he muttered under his breath.


	10. The Wonderful Wedding

Monty jerked awake, his body tensing up as he blindly fumbled around to find his glasses, so he would be able to see when turning off the alarm clock. He found them, but was too sleepy to even attempt to open his eyes. Even though he did not yet know what time it was, he knew that it was far too early for his liking. His dyspraxic hands clumsily knocked the clock off the bedside table as he stretched, which made it cease ringing, as he became more and more awake. Like a snake, he slid out of bed with his eyes still glued shut. Slowly, he picked himself up from the floor and yawned. But suddenly he remembered why he had to get up so early. He forced his eyes open and gasped theatrically. Kit and Dewey's wedding! His body began twitching as he panicked. In nothing but his undershirt and boxer shorts, he rushed around his room, trying desperately to remember where had put his tuxedo. He whimpered loudly as if he was a little lost puppy when he couldn't see it in the wardrobe, closet or even any of the sock and underwear drawers. In every other situation, he would have simply shouted for Jo to ask her about it, but when she was in such a condition as her pregnancy, it would be too much to ask. He knew she might still be asleep, and did not want to disturb her. But then, he imagined going to the wedding in his underwear and being mocked and laughed at by the other guests. He panicked again. Quietly, he tiptoed to Josephine's bedroom. He exhaled in relief. His tuxedo was hanging on the door, and his shoes had been left and polished on the floor. He spotted a piece of paper stuck on the door with Blu-Tack. In Jo's familiar scrawl, it read:

_Monty,_

_ I knew you were worried about the wedding today, so I spruced up your tux and polished your shoes. Don't worry, baby; just stick with Jacques, Lemony, Kit or Jerome and you'll be fine. I hope you have a nice time. And please tell me what Kit's dress looks like! I bet she'll look gorgeous!_

_Love you always,_

_Josie_

_oxxo_

He grinned, the love for her shining in his eyes. Before he picked up his tux, he pulled the door open to sneak a peak at his own sleeping angel. She was sleeping on her side with a big fluffy pillow between her legs. The second pillow was under her bulging belly and the last one was propped up against her back. She still had the plait in her hair that Monty had (clumsily) done for her, but it was messy and untidy after a night of wriggling about. Her mouth was relaxed, slightly open as she snored, and even though she didn't look completely comfortable, it was obvious that she was having a sweet dream – most likely about the twins and holding them in her loving arms. He crept closer to the bed with a grin on his face. He leant in and pressed his lips against her mouth. In her slumber, she moaned quietly and she twitched her nose. So Monty saw it as a sign to let her sleep some more while he got ready for the wedding. He got on with his normal morning routine as usual, but after he ate breakfast, he didn't throw any old outfit on and head straight into the reptile room. Instead, he took his time in changing into his tuxedo. He didn't want to crease it and appear a mess. He combed his bright red hair in front of the bathroom mirror, even though there was not much of it left due to his receding hairline. He had shaved especially close that morning – he wasn't the best at it because of his disability – and he was pleased at the result. His chin looked almost shiny, or at least that's what he believed. Lastly, he gave his glasses a final thorough polish. When he returned them to his face, he was fit to go to the wedding. But he still had one thing to do.

He walked slowly into Josephine's room. By this time, she was starting to get up. Still lying in the same position, she rolled onto her back and smiled sleepily as Monty entered. She wolf-whistled.

" Whoo! Let me look at you!" she cried. Monty did a full turn, feeling completely like an attractive, young male model. " Very sexy, baby!"

Monty scoffed, blushing violently. " Pshaw! You're just saying!" he mumbled. But then, he looked at his wristwatch. " Your mom will be here any minute now," he said. " Do you want me to bring you breakfast? Or will you wait and eat with Mom?" he asked in a fatherly tone. He was feeling more like a father with each passing day.

" I'm in the mood for a fruit salad," she replied.

He nodded his head. " OK. I know how you like it."

Gladys arrived just ten minutes later, while Monty was busy in the kitchen slicing up pieces of bananas, peaches, mangoes, grapes and berries, and she was eager to get Monty out of the house, so she could be a mother again.

" Hello, Monty!" she called cheerily after she had let herself in and found him in the kitchen. " What are you making there?"

" A fruit salad for Jo," he replied, smiling. He popped a few blackberries into the bowl with his bare hands.

Gladys crept closer with an apprehensive expression on her wrinkled face. " I hope you washed those first; and your hands," she grumbled firmly. " I don't want any nasty germs getting to Jo or her babies!"

Monty chuckled heartily. He then understood where Jo's paranoia came from and he couldn't help but find it cute. " Yes, I did. Don't worry, Mrs. Connolly, I've been taking good care of your girl."

" I hope you're telling the truth," she muttered, but Monty didn't hear her. A few seconds later, she asked, " So, is she upstairs?"

" Yeah. Just gimme a minute and I'll take you up."

Monty removed his apron – as he wanted to avoid getting fruit juice on his clothes – and picked up the bowl. Then he led the way upstairs to the bedroom.

Before he went inside, he called out, " Are you decent, sweetheart?" He shot Gladys a sideward smile, which she returned.

" Yeah! Come in, baby!" Her sweet, quiet voice sounded muffled from behind the door.

That was when her boyfriend and her mother made their entrance. Sitting upright in bed with a pillow supporting her back, Josephine's bright sapphire eyes lit up when she spotted her mother in the doorway.

" Hi, precious!" the old lady cooed.

" Hey, Mom!" They hugged one another tightly.

" How are you feeling, darling?"

" Good, good. I'm a bit bloated, though, and I'm _exhausted_," she answered, patting her enormous belly.

" A bit?" Monty butted in. " You're freakin' huge!" He let out a loud and obnoxious guffaw.

Both Jo and Gladys raised their eyebrows in disapproval. Sensing the tension in the room, he hung his head in shame, sheepishly clearing his throat. " Here's your breakfast, honey," he whispered. He handed the bowl of fruit over to Jo. He took another look at his watch. " Well, I'd better get going." He turned to Gladys, resting a fat hand on her shoulder. " Now, are you _sure _you'll be all right?" he riddled.

The old woman dismissed the idea immediately. " Yes, yes, yes!"

" The laundry basket is in my room on the bed. OK? I'd appreciate it if you'd put the clean clothes away. And can you wash the dishes, too, please?"

With a smile, Gladys replied, " Yes, of course, I will."

" My associate, Gustav, will be over to feed my reptiles at twelve o'clock, OK? Just let him in and leave him to it."

" Monty!" She stopped him jabbering on. " Stop fretting!" she cried. " Now get ya butt down to that wedding before you miss the ceremony!"

Monty swallowed. " A-are you sure?" he asked. " Well, ring me at the hotel if there are any problems. I've left the number on the pad by the phone in the kitchen. All right?"

Gladys nodded and began to usher the poor man out of the room. But before he left, the two women both shouted in unison, " And let me know what Kit's dress looks like!"

As Monty turned the wheel of his car, driving it into the car park of Hotel Denouement, he could see that the other guests had already arrived. The romantic atmosphere was buzzing in the air, and Monty was indeed buzzing with excitement. A wide grin stretched across his cheeks, Monty left his parked car with a spring in his step as he walked up to the main entrance of the building. In the gigantic lobby, it was full to the brim with wedding decorations. There were white and pale green streamers hanging on the high ceiling in a criss-cross. A number of white and pale green balloons were also on the ceiling with the paper strings falling down. On the glittering marble floor, there were little gold pieces. As Monty got a closer look, he realised that they all spelt out Dewey and Kit's initials. And just by the entrance, there was an attractive sandwich board with 'Wedding of Dewey Denouement & Kit Snicket. June 10th, 1939. 1:30pm. Wedding Venue Room,' written on it in an attractive cursive. Monty could almost giggle at how romantic this day was. He adjusted his bowtie, but was startled by an unfamiliar woman's voice.

" Pale green is today's theme," she said, gazing around this amazing place.

Monty turned and saw that it was the Snicket siblings' aunt, Justice Jenna Strauss. He swallowed his shyness away, or at least tried to. " Oh! You're the Snickets' aunt, aren't you?" he said. They shook hands.

" Uh, have we met?" she asked sheepishly, frowning to think.

" I was at Lemony's birthday party," he replied.

Justice Strauss knocked back her head. " Oh, yes! Now I remember. What's your name again, love?"

" Monty. Monty Montgomery."

Justice Strauss let out a gasp and snapped her fingers. " Kit's been yapping on about you!"

Monty blushed. " Oh, really? What on Earth for?"

The older woman smiled warmly. " I've just come from her room now and she just won't shut up about you! She says you're the father of twins. Is that right?"

He nodded, beaming with pride. " Not yet, but they'll be here soon. We hope!" He smiled again and laughed a little, feeling more at ease. " So, you're a guest here, then, I guess?"

" Um, I guess you could say that. I'm marrying them."

He blinked in surprise and confusion. He lowered his eyes to the sparkling floor. He didn't want to admit that he didn't fully understand what she meant. " What does that mean?" he decided to say in the end.

" I'm marrying them. I'll be conducting the ceremony," she explained.

He quirked his eyebrows in interest. " Oh, OK," he muttered. " That'd be nice."

Justice Strauss nodded her head vigorously. " Yes. Yes. I feel greatly privileged to be marrying my own niece."

Monty cracked a smile and was about to make a joke about what she had just said, but spotted Esme and Jerome out of the corner of his eye. He waved to them and greeted them. They saw him and as they approached him, they greeted him back.

" Hi, how're you doing, Mont?" asked Jerome after he was finished hugging him.

" I'm great! I'm fantastic!" he replied. " How are you, Esme?"

Esme had always kept a low profile when hanging out with people who were out, but on this day, she couldn't stop smiling. " I'm feeling…_in!_" she cried. She gave a little twirl to show off her wedding outfit. She was wearing a loose-fitting bright pink silk blouse with a matching jacket and she was wearing off-black trousers with dark red leather stiletto boots.

" She spent all day choosing it," Jerome told Monty, who sniggered. " It's very nice, Esme."

She scoffed. " Well, _you_ paid for it!"

Monty looked disapprovingly at his friend.

He heaved a sigh and shrugged his shoulders. " I didn't want to argue…"

Justice Strauss looked at her watch and gave a little shriek. " It's almost half one! You'd better find your seats, and I'd better get ready to perform the ceremony!" She let out a nervous but excited noise and dashed across the large room, headed towards the Wedding Venue Room.

" Looks like we have to go, too," Jerome mumbled.

" Monty, you can sit with us," Esme said kindly.

Then she did a strange thing. She slid a kind hand into Monty's and she led the way through many different themed wedding venues. There was a jungle-themed area, and an under the sea theme, Country and Western, outer space, pirate, and vampire, and even a Nazi Germany-themed venue – much to Monty's astonishment. But when Jerome and Esme brought him to the non-themed venue, they were all blown away by what they found there. On the ceiling, there was a grand chandelier with green light bulbs, giving everything a light greenish hue. The carpet that Kit would walk down was also green; like something out of The Wizard of Oz. And like in the vast lobby, there were green and white streamers and dozens of balloons were high on the ceiling. A hundred or more folding chairs were all laid out in a certain order, but they could hardly be seen. Most of the guests were already sitting in them, gossiping excitedly amongst themselves. At the far end of the room stood a nervous Dewey, and Lemony, Jacques, Josh, and Dewey's identical brothers, Frank and Ernest. They were all wearing identical black tuxedos, and they all looked extremely smart, as Monty thought. Evadne was also with them, but she was sitting on a chair – she, and Chas, were both in their mid-eighties, so they sometimes had problems with their mobility. She was wearing a lovely pale green dress with a matching ribbon in her short white hair. Monty wondered where Chas was. Suddenly, Justice Strauss appeared by the door. Her bright brown eyes were sparkling with giddiness. She cleared her throat.

" Excuse me, everybody! The ceremony is about to begin! Would you take your seats, please?"

With a yank of the hand, Esme pulled Jerome and Monty closer to the front and put them both on a chair side by side each other. Esme then proceeded to sit next down to her husband. On the right side of Monty sat the Snickets' biological aunt, Abigail Stoppard, with her husband, Garrett, and their only child, Charles, and his much older boyfriend, Sir. The shy herpetologist smiled at each of them politely and gave a friendly nod, which they all returned – except for Sir, but it was quite hard to tell because of the smoke cloud that completely covered his face. Though, rudely, Monty couldn't stop staring at Abigail. A few months prior to this day, Kit had shown him an old photograph of her father, David – Abigail's older, now deceased, brother – and he was amazed at the family resemblance. That made him wonder if his own children might possibly take after Jo's brothers, or perhaps, even after his own late sister. Abigail noticed, of course, but didn't say a word, as Justice Strauss began to play the Bridal Chorus on a CD player. The entire room fell silent, except for the eerie sound of over a hundred heads turning. A toothy grin spread across his face.

Kit was standing in the doorway, her emerald eyes shimmering with pure happiness as she held her elderly grandfather close by her side. She had a veil on her head, which covered up her beautiful, freckled face, so it was her dress that everyone marvelled at. It wasn't anything exquisite or over the top. It wasn't anything grand at all. It was just a simple pale green, loose-fitting, sleeveless summer dress that fell down just above the knee. It hugged her large pregnant belly, and Monty could imagine that the baby would be exceptionally proud to be wearing, too – so to speak. On her feet, she wore white leather sandals that creaked quietly as she walked down the aisle. Monty turned back to look at Dewey. Dewey was awestruck. His handsome, round dark eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped. Countless smiles could be seen in the crowd, and there was almost an orchestra of sobs and sniffles as people wept with joy. As she walked, or waddled in her case, she shot a few nervous smiles at the guests – so did Chas, looking rather dapper in his tux. Monty could feel his eyes become wet as his bottom lip wobbled; he had never felt so proud of her before this moment. His own, biological daughter was still in her confinement of Josephine's cosy and comfortable womb, but he felt like it was his daughter getting married. Kit walked past his row and he gave a little wave that she sheepishly returned. Her cheeks were red-hot with embarrassment, but that still wouldn't shake her happy grin. The grandfather and granddaughter reached the end and the ceremony could begin. Chas planted a little kiss on Kit's hand.

Justice Strauss smiled broadly. She cleared her throat somewhat nervously before she began to speak. " Who gives this woman to this man?" she asked Chas.

" I do," Chas answered, his voice cracking slightly as he held back his tears. He went to sit down next to his wife. Kit was grinning from ear to ear.

The judge continued. " Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses to join Dewey and Kit in matrimony, which is commended to be honourable among all men; and therefore – is not by any – to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. Into this estate these two persons present now come joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

Monty discreetly coughed into his hand. He had an urge to put his hand up to object, but he knew Dewey was made for Kit.

Kit breathed a sigh of relief and whispered something into Dewey's ear, which made him chuckle silently.

"True marriage is more than joining the bonds of marriage of two persons," Justice Strauss went on, " it is the union of two hearts. It lives on the love you give each other and never grows old, but thrives on the joy of each new day. Marriage is love. May you always be able to talk things over, to confide in each other, to laugh with each other, to enjoy life together, and to share moments of quiet and peace, when the day is done. May you be blessed with a lifetime of happiness and a home of warmth and understanding."

Dewey rested a loving hand on Kit's belly. Monty's heart was overflowing with emotion as he saw her begin to cry.

The judge noticed and she grinned with pride. " Now, everyone, Kit and Dewey have written their own vows that they will now recite," she said. " Dewey…"

Dewey rolled his eyes and heaved a sigh. " Do I have to?" he protested. There was a Mexican wave of laughter in response.

" Yes, you do, I'm afraid," Justice Strauss answered, laughing.

" OK," he muttered, making everyone roar with laughter again. He exhaled and began. " When we met through your brother – thanks for that, by the way, Lemony!" Lemony smiled and nodded. " You were really unhappy. You were a teenage mom, you were struggling to raise your son alone, and your ex was being horrible to you. But when you were with me, you were different. You laughed _all the time_, you were great company, you were a little nutty and I loved spending time with you and your son. I was only seventeen at the time, but I knew I was falling in love with you. I'm thirty five now – as much as I hate to admit it – and I still love you as much I did back then. Maybe even more. I won't ever stop loving you because you are amazing. And when you drop little one here," he paused to point at Kit's belly. Everyone chuckled again, " I promise I'm going to take care of it, and cherish it. I promise to do this with all our other children we will one day have, even Josh! And I promise I will always put you first. I mean, this hotel is a pretty amazing place to work, but you will always be number one to me. I will always want to protect you and keep you close. That ain't never gonna change!"

Kit lowered her eyes, smiling as she held back tears. " Dewey, Dewey, Dewey…" she said, shaking her head. " You sentimental fool!" she cried.

" Well, you try and top _that!_" he snapped.

" OK…" Kit said. " OK, I will. As you said, when Lemony first introduced us to one another, I had been broken hearted. I left the father of my son while I was only three months pregnant and I went into this downward spiral. I was depressed. I was suicidal. I was broken. Really broken. And you came with your boyish charm, and your energy, and your enthusiastic outlook on life and…" she paused to take a few moments to sob. " You fixed me. You fixed me, Dewey. Even after our first date, I felt normal again, which I hadn't felt since before Josh's birth. And I guess I'm saying…if you were broken, I would want to fix you, and I would! So, yeah…I wouldn't leave you just because you were depressed or angry or whatever, I would support you in all your wrongdoings and upsets. Because you were the one who made my life worth living – no offence, Josh," she added when she saw her son's disapproving glare. The crowd applauded and there were a few scattered chuckles.

Justice Strauss smiled and wiped a tear from her eye. " Um, do you, Dewey Dermott Milton Denouement, take this woman, Kit Scarlett Snicket, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do you part?"

Dewey had gotten extremely teary-eyed and he was now grinning from ear to ear as he nodded lightly. " I do," he said.

" Do you, Kit Scarlett Snicket, take this man, Dewey Dermott Milton Denouement to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do you part?"

Kit looked up and gazed lovingly into Dewey's brown eyes and muttered, " I do."

" Uh, the rings?" Justice Strauss piped up.

Joshua nervously stepped forward and gave his new stepfather the two golden rings. He waved to someone in the audience. Dewey took the smallest ring and Kit took the bigger one. The hotel manager squeezed his new wife's hands as he slipped the ring on to her plump-ish finger.

" This ring is a token of my love. I marry you with this ring, with all that I have and all that I am," he told her.

Kit did the exact same thing and said the same thing.

A proud grin spread across the judge's aging face. " By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife! My darling niece, you may now kiss your new husband!"

Kit chuckled and the couple kissed one another lovingly as the entire room erupted into applause. Monty clapped his hands with all his might, and before too long, his hands were red sore and he couldn't clap any more. Hand in hand, the couple trotted down the aisle – even though it was more difficult to do so in Kit's condition – and dashed out of the door as Justice Strauss played the Wedding March from the CD player.

A few hours later, the party had moved to the reception, where there was much drinking and eating, dancing and music, and much merrymaking. Monty clung onto Jerome and Esme and as a small group, they made tedious small talk with the other guests that no one really ever cared about. After he grew bored and he took to doing amusing things for three young children, who had lost their parents in the crowd. He made funny faces for them, as well as funny voices and he told them comical jokes which made them fall about with laughter. This even surprised himself because he was always nervous at social gatherings, especially weddings. He knew Jo was with him in spirit and he couldn't wait to get home and tell her all about this joyous day. The newly married couple were sitting in the far end of the room quietly conversing with their friends and family. But Monty soon grew tired and he started to sit with them.

" It was a really nice ceremony, you two," he said.

" Thank you," Kit answered, patting her belly. " It's a shame Jo couldn't come. How is she doing, by the way?"

" Oh, she's getting better, thanks. The real question is, how are _you?_" he asked in a cheerful voice. " I'm surprised your waters didn't break or something!"

Kit let out a loud laugh and she knocked back her blonde head. " I'm surprised, too. This little guy's kicking so hard!"

Dewey placed a protective hand on her bump, rubbing it vigorously. " Not long now!"

Kit heaved a sigh. " I'm so proud of you, Monty," she whispered, touching the old man's arm.

He blushed and looked away. Shaking his head, he stuttered, " What-what do you, uh, m-mean?"

" I saw you with those Baudelaire kids," she replied, giving him a sly look. " You know, before you met Josephine, you were a mess. You weren't good with people and you were shy. And your home life, too, that was horrible. You couldn't keep up with your chores and you were constantly missing out bills and stuff. But now look at you! You took control of your life. And now, it's like you're whole new person. You didn't let your disability get you down and that's why I'm proud of you! I mean, you went up to those kids like they were your own! You would never have done that before!"

Monty shrugged his shoulders. " I don't know. I still feel the same!" he chuckled.

Kit exchanged a look with Dewey. " That's why I want you to be the baby's godfather."

Monty quirked his eyebrows in slight confusion. " What, like Marlon Brando?"

Dewey sniggered behind his hand. " Yeah, something like that."

Monty's brown eyes shone brightly, content at the thought being of a godfather. " I guess Josephine would want you two to be the twins' godparents, too."

Kit nodded her head. " I am honoured."

Later that evening, when Monty drove home, he couldn't stop grinning. He was itching to tell Jo all about the wedding and about the honour of being a godfather. He burst in through the front door, sweat leaping from his brow and a never-ending grin on his mouth. On all fours, he galloped up the stairs to Josephine's bedroom, but only found Gladys standing there in the middle of the room. He could hear the sound of running water from the bathroom, which led him to guess that she was in the shower.

The old lady smiled warmly. " Hi, Monty!" she called. " How did it go?"

" Oh, brilliantly! Kit was _gorgeous!_ She had this little green dress and, oh! It was lovely!" he cried excitedly. " And guess what? They asked me to be their baby's godfather! How awesome is that?"

Gladys grinned. " Oh, that's lovely!" she said. " Lucky you!" But then, she crept closer to the father of two of her grandchildren. She lowered her voice, just low enough not to be heard by Jo in the shower. " I was thinking we could plan a surprise for Josephine. She's been so down today!"

" I know," Monty replied, nodding his head in agreement. " All she wants is for her pregnancy to be over. But what can we do for her? I mean, we can't just throw her down the stairs to get the labour going…I don't know what to suggest!"

Gladys frowned in thought for several moments. " She mentioned something about wanting to get away…What about a mini-vacation? But that would _never _work. She's too far along!"

Monty spotted something in the corner, under the wardrobe. He stared at it for a long while. It was a small, thick shadow that moved ever so slightly. Then he came to realise that he was staring at Wenceslas the South American bullfrog, who had escaped from his cage in the reptile room. Monty remembered finding him deep in the rainforest a few years earlier and that gave him an idea. Before he strode over to pick the small creature up, he snapped his fingers and gave a cry of excitement.

" Eureka!" he shouted.

" Eureka what?" came Jo's gentle answer. " Hey, baby. How was the wedding?"

Both Gladys and Monty jumped in surprise to see Josephine standing in the doorway, sopping wet and wrapped in a large towel. Sheepishly, Monty stroked Wenceslas' little slimy head as Gladys awkwardly gazed around the room.

" Nothing, dear," Gladys was brave to utter.

" Uh, I'm going to put Wenceslas away and then I can tell you all about the wedding!" he cried.

" Oh, yes!" she replied tiredly but excitedly. " I can't wait to hear about her dress! I bet she looked gorgeous!"

" Yeah, she did," Monty muttered faintly. Before heading back out of the door, he shot a mischievous wink to Gladys, knowing he would tell her all about his plan later on when Jo wasn't around to hear it.


	11. The Grand Getaway

Every Friday at 1:30pm on the Legal Studies Channel, Josephine would park her behind in front of the television to watch Candid Courtcases. This was an amusing programme where an actor would portray a judge and they would play immature pranks during court proceedings. Before she was put on bed rest, Jo thought it was a horrible, cruel premise for a show and she would often feel sympathy for the victims of these pranks. But eventually, she found herself become addicted, especially when there wasn't much she could do around the house. So when she sat down with a healthy, fruity snack one roasting afternoon, she couldn't help but become distracted by the faint sound of men's voices and the sound of objects being moved and loud bumps and bangs. Grunting with effort, she got up from the edge of the bed and she waddled over to the door. She creaked it open and outstretched her neck to try and work out what the men were doing. She heard Monty's low, hoarse whisper and Lemony's low, hoarse response. But she couldn't exactly hear what they were saying. She crept out to the landing and listened closely at the top of the stairs.

" I want you to drive down to the herpetology lab to drop off the Mamba du Mal," she heard Monty say. " I didn't realise she was still here; silly me!"

" No, Monty! She's poisonous and I'm not experienced with snakes like you are!" she heard Lemony say.

" Fine, I'll go, but remember-" Monty stopped in mid-sentence. Jo swallowed nervously. " Jo?" he called out. " Are you all right?"

She appeared in his vision and she smiled guiltily. " Um, yes, I'm fine. I was just going to the toilet," she lied.

Monty looked suspiciously at her. " OK," he said finally. " Then get off to bed, won't you?"

Jo nodded somewhat sheepishly and she smiled again to hide her anxiety. " OK, fine."

Monty turned back to Lemony for a split second, but realised she was still watching. He was annoyed, but smiled to try and hide it. " Off you go, then!" he cried cheerfully, motioning his hands.

Jo giggled nervously. " OK!" she whispered breathlessly. " Love you," she added.

Monty smiled lovingly in response. " Love you, too!" He pressed his palm to his lips to blow her a kiss.

Blushing violently like a tomato, she backed away into her room. And so began the long exhausting week of hearing these strange noises and spying on these kinds of conversations. She had no idea what was happening down those unreachable stairs. From what she had gathered, Lemony, Jacques, Jerome and a group of professional movers were helping Monty move out the reptiles in their cages from the reptile room. Then they would bring in the most elaborate trees and plants. Either Monty had lost his mind or he was giving up herpetology for good. This thought made Josephine feel guilty in some little way. She had never fully approved of the reptiles staying in the house and getting loose all the time, but those snakes and lizards and amphibians defined Monty. He had built his world around these creatures. He had lent this life to them. It was the only thing he knew. It was what made him so happy. It was what made him so great. Then if he was giving it all up because of his children, Jo couldn't watch him slowly destroy himself. But what Jo didn't realise was that he wasn't giving up herpetology at all! He was a setting up a grand surprise for her, which required a wide open space with a good view of the stars in the sky. Since it would be too much to have the surprise take place outside in the back garden, Monty had decided to use the reptile room. But there was one small problem. The reptiles took up most of that space, so their master had no choice but to temporarily move some of them to the herpetology lab, where Gustav would take care of them until they were ready to be moved back. With them out of the way, Monty and his friends were able to recreate the most beautiful rainforest floor Monty had only seen in his imagination, and in his visions, and in his dreams. He hoped Jo would like the surprise. He had never planned such a romantic event before. Not even when his fiancée was alive. He just wanted to make her happy in her last days of pregnancy. Watching her miserable body language and facial expressions was almost like torture to him because he knew he couldn't do a thing to make everything right again. He hoped by doing this, Jo would at least smile. But if she didn't, then Monty wouldn't know what to do.

The day Monty was planning to reveal his surprise to his beautiful girlfriend, he invited Gladys over for dinner. He wanted her to be there when he showed Josephine her own mini-jungle. The three adults were sitting around in Jo's bedroom with their plates on their laps as they ate and talked. When everyone finished their last bites, Monty stood up and began to clear the dishes away.

" Let me take that, Mrs. Connolly," he said to his mother-in-law-type figure.

" Oh, let me!" she protested, raising her hand.

Monty's smiled faded slightly. " Really?" he asked.

" Yes, yes, yes!" the old lady fussed. She stood up from her chair. " You keep my baby company while I clear these things up!"

" You sure?"

" Yes!" Gladys snatched the plates from Monty's hands and she dashed out of the room as fast as she could.

As Monty smiled sheepishly at Jo, she was chuckling to cover her embarrassment. She brushed her long golden hair out of her eyes before she spoke. " My mom, the old mother hen!" she joked. She readjusted her body with a grunt.

" Yeah. A real old clucky one, too," he responded, a cheeky sideward smile slowly forming on his mouth. He sat down on the edge of the bed again and outstretched his hand. He rested it lovingly on Jo's.

She smiled appreciatively and she let out a huge, deep yawn. " Oh, sorry about that!" she cried. She put her hand to her mouth.

" It's fine," Monty replied softly.

" I didn't sleep well last night. One of these little guys was doing an Irish dance on my bladder _all night!_" she muttered, making Monty laugh uproariously.

" Well, um, I thought in a few minutes you could take a little walk downstairs. How does that sound?"

Jo looked suspiciously at Monty. In his eyes, she knew he was planning something, but she couldn't work out what. " Are you sure I'm allowed?" she asked.

Monty nodded his messy red head. " 'Course!" he cried. " I talked with the doctor and she said that it would do you good!"

After a moment's consideration, Jo decided to humour him. " All right, I could do with stretching my legs a bit," she said.

" Want me to help you up?" he asked tentatively.

" Yeah."

Monty squeezed Josephine's fat hands tightly and as gently as he could, he pulled her up. They both grunted and strained in effort until Josephine was standing upright. She steadied herself, making faint, breathless sounds with her mouth. She chuckled sheepishly as she turned her head around to gaze lovingly into Monty's dark, sparkling eyes of chocolate. " Thanks, Monty," she whispered. " I don't know what you've got down there waiting for me, but…Thank you. I appreciate it."

Monty gave a sly, mischievous quirk of his eyebrows and put his hands in his pockets. " Are you ready?" he asked her.

Jo exhaled audibly. " I'm ready for anything!" she breathed.

Excited, Monty dashed out of the room and on to the landing. He could hardly contain his excitement. " Mrs. Connolly! Mrs. Connolly!" he shouted and hollered.

" What?" came Gladys' muffled answer.

" She's coming down now!" he called.

In front of the kitchen sink, Gladys let out a short shriek of exhilaration and joy. Not bothering to remove her apron, she dashed to meet her precious child at the bottom of the stairs. Jo gracefully went down each step at a time, careful not to slip and fall. From behind her, Monty's giant heart was overflowing with the familiar feeling of love, pride and excitement for her. As Gladys watched her slowly make her way down, she believed her to be an elegant royal princess sharing her undying beauty with the rest of the world. The old woman wiped a tear from her eye as she released the rest of her emotions in a single, shaky breath. Josephine finally reached the bottom after a few minutes of complete silence. Gladys took her by the hand and Monty slid his hand into her other, and in this way, Jo's two true protectors escorted her to the reptile room. This was when Monty's eyes began to gleam behind his spectacles. Jo watched him closely as he pushed the door wide open.

And this was the moment when his surprise was finally revealed. Jo was immediately awestruck. Her jaw dropping in the shock of it all, she stepped through to get a better look at everything. Except for the brightly coloured flowers, everything was mostly green. The floor was unseen, for giant green leaves had been laid there, like a bed ready to sleep in. The trees and plants were honestly not that great as they were still standing in their pots. But in Jo's imagination, they were marvellous. They were giant and ancient with their roots twisted as they clung to the ground, which made up for it a million times. The sweet fragrances that their flowers gave off brought Jo's senses to life and it felt as though she had the ability to smell their beauty. In the corner, on the wall, there was a miniature waterfall that Monty's reptiles would normally drink from. To see it without that constant swarm of lizards was seen as a special thing to Jo, though she didn't know why. As the water rushed down into the little pool below, it only made a low splashing sound, which Jo found relaxing. It felt as though she could just take a drink from it in her cupped hands. In all four corners of the room, there were huge boulders with green moss growing on them. In the air, Jo could hear a faint sound of animal calls and the gentle rush of the wind. Then she saw that it was coming from a CD player that was conveniently hidden among the leaves. But in the middle of the room was the best thing of all. Sheltered by the largest potted tree, there was a large double bed ladened with sheets made of green leaves. In the tree sat the Incredibly Deadly Viper, who seemed to be smiling welcomingly at its mistress. And as Jo saw more closely, the entire room was full of Monty's smaller, friendlier creatures.

Monty wore an expectant expression on his face. " Well?" he asked hoarsely. " What do you think?"

Tears welling up in her pristine crystal blue eyes, she could only do one thing. She wrapped her arms around him and she gave him the gift of a tender, passionate kiss. Gladys had taken a few steps back. She was no longer needed in this beautiful moment between her daughter and the man she loved. The couple walked towards the bed. They sat on each side and laid their head back on the pillow. Monty caged Jo in his protective arms as they both watched the ceiling. Straight above them was the glass roof, where they could see the beautiful velvet sky with the stars dancing as they twinkled. The Incredibly Deadly Viper also looked up and he gave an impressed purr. This made Jo smile as she pressed her yellow head against Monty's chest. She felt his heart beat steadily and this made her feel that nothing could harm her in this moment. Soon, she felt her eyelids begin to get heavy and they began to droop.

" The Incredibly Deadly Viper likes it," she muttered drowsily. " I do, too…"

Monty grinned and stroked her hair. " I wouldn't want to lay here with anyone but you. I wouldn't do this for anyone but you. You do know that, don't you?" he whispered hesitantly.

Jo grunted in response. She wasn't really paying attention. She was still on her journey to complete sleep. " I love you…" she managed to mumble before shutting off to the world.

So he would not wake her, Monty simply nodded and mouthed the same thing to her. He continued to watch the stars all through the night and she did not stir. She stayed firmly in his arms, where she would never leave for anyone or anything. The Incredibly Deadly Viper felt so pleased to see his master with this kind of feeling in his heart. He had not known the man for very long, he had always hoped Monty would find another human to share his life with. And it was happening before the snake's slit eyes. The creature had never been proud of Monty before and he couldn't wait to meet the twins, who were now sleeping soundly in the sanctity of their mother's womb.


	12. The Second Sublime Surprise

In the darkness of the night, Josephine groaned lightly as she turned over. It was yet another sleepless night for her. No matter how much she wriggled and squirmed, she couldn't find a comfortable position. Her bump was just too big. And even then, when she did get comfortable, she was constantly being disturbed by the babies' movements. At first, she thought it was cute that they were practicing their circus act, but now she was literally tired of it all. Annoyed and a little upset, the mother-to-be lay wide awake, staring blankly at the black ceiling. She hoped it would get light soon, but as she glanced over at the digital clock, she was horrified to learn that it wasn't even midnight yet. She clucked her tongue. But then, she heard an unusual sound coming from her belly. It was a low, menacing growling sound as if she was hungry. But she wasn't. She was certain that she had eaten a snack before getting ready for bed. She was about to sit up, but her belly did another strange thing. And this time, she felt it. Something inside her popped. Frightened, Jo's sapphire eyes widened as water gushed out of her, soaking the bed sheets. Her entire body jerked in surprise. She sat up as she felt another gush.

Trembling uncontrollably, she screamed for Monty. " MONTY! MY WATER JUST BROKE!"

Tired and sleepy, Monty appeared in the doorway with his fiery red hair sticking up in all directions. He was rubbing his eyes and yawning loudly. " What's up, sweetie?" he muttered through a deep yawn.

" M-m-my water broke!" she insisted.

" Oh," Monty replied monotonously, showing how exhausted he was. " I'll go get you another…"

He turned, intending to leave, but Jo stopped him. She had to make him understand that this wasn't a drill; that this was the real thing. She gushed again. " _My water broke!_" she cried shakily through her violent shivers.

Monty jerked out of his trance, blinking repeatedly as the realisation hit him hard in the face. " You mean, your _baby_ water?" he squeaked, his eyes growing larger than ever before.

Jo gave a single nod of the head, too frightened to say any more.

Monty let out a short, sharp breath, trying to figure out what to do. " OK," he mumbled. He began pacing up and down the room, twitching his hands. " O-O-O-O-O-OK," he stuttered again. " O-OK. First thing's first…We…do…not…p-p-p-panic!" He puffed out his chest as he breathed deeply out to calm himself. He closed his eyes for a minute, but was ready to speak when he opened them. " OK. You…You go take a shower while I get your things and get the car ready," he muttered unconfidently.

Jo nodded in response. With Monty's help, she got up from the bed. She waddled down the hallway to the bathroom with a trail of water following her, where she sat on the toilet to lose more fluid. As she sat there trembling, feeling the unpleasant sensation of the liquid gushing out of her, she prayed for a safe journey for her babies to take. She didn't know if God would listen to her after she gave up on Him years earlier. But she needed those babies. And if anything happened to them, she would surely let herself die. Time dragged on and Jo lifted her huge body from the seat. She started to take her shower.

The hot water raining down on her, Jo stood there in all her vulnerabilities, shivering and trembling uncontrollably. And this involuntary act was beginning to scare her. She could barely move or speak because of it. Countless times before when she thought about her inevitable labour, she never thought she would be like this; shaking underneath the shower, experiencing severe pains. She thought she would be calm, taking control of everything, but she was truly terrified in reality. And even though she tried so hard to firmly tell herself that every mother goes through this and that it would be worth when sees her children happy and healthy, she couldn't quite shake that irrational fear of the births. She started slightly when Monty burst in, his chubby face flushed with excitement.

" Are you all right, Jo?" he asked, his voice booming so loud that it startled her. " You OK?" Jo nodded and gulped as a contraction cut through her like a knife. " Your bag's in the car. Want me to help you get dressed?"

" N-no. G-g-g-go w-wait in the c-c-c-c-car," she stammered.

In what appeared to be a trance, Jo changed clothes with a pained expression on her face as she murmured softly to herself in attempt to keep calm. Then, much like an overweight penguin from Antarctica, she carefully waddled down the stairs, where the Incredibly Deadly Viper watched her closely with worried eyes. When she reached the bottom, he slithered up the banister. She grimaced in pain as one of the babies kicked her, but she smiled sweetly at the slimy, scaly creature. She affectionately stroked the tip of his nose, which made him hiss lovingly.

" I'll be all right," she reassuringly. " The babies are on their way, so that means a little discomfort for me."

She grunted; one of the babies had kicked again. She gave a short gasp of surprise as more water gushed out. The snake made a quiet noise of worry. Jo kept moving and she rushed out of the house to Monty's old battered car on the drive. Determinedly, she pulled open the door with force and clambered into the back seat to find Monty documenting everything on his video camera. This time – with the lens cap _off_.

" We're just on our way to the hospital now!" he boomed cheerily. Clutching her huge belly as a contraction came, Jo made an unimpressed noise. " How're you doing, sweetie?"

" Monty. Get that thing out of my face before I break it!" she snapped, lifting her legs up on the seat.

He thought she was joking, so he chuckled heartily. " She's in labour, she doesn't know what she's saying!"

Furious and terrified, Jo snarled at him, baring all her teeth like a rabid dog. " _I mean it!_ I don't want my labour or birth recorded, _you got that?_" she roared.

Monty gulped and hurriedly put the camera down on the passenger seat. " Yes, my darling. Whatever you say, my precious," he squeaked. He started to drive in silence, too afraid to say anything that would make her snap at him again. " We need to let your mother know," he muttered after a few minutes.

" Oh, yeah, I'll do that." Jo searched through her handbag for her mobile phone, pausing every now and again to wait for a contraction or another gush to pass. She dialled the number for her mother's house. " Mom? Mom?" she said into the receiver.

Gladys was in bed – as most people would be at this time of night – and she sounded almost dead to her daughter. Evidently, she had been disturbed in her sleep. " Hello?" she answered faintly, her eyes clamped shut.

" Mom? My water broke," Jo replied.

At that, Gladys shot up, the adrenaline pumping through her veins. " What?" she cried in astonishment.

" My water just broke!"

" Where are you? Are you driving?" Gladys demanded worriedly.

" It's OK. Monty's taking me to the hospital."

By now, Gladys was giggling like a small child on Christmas. " Ooh! I'm going to call your brothers right now and then I'll be there to meet you at the hospital quick as a flash. OK?" she cried, fighting the urge to bounce around her bedroom.

" All right."

" Pincus Hospital, right?"

" Yep, that's the one."

As carefully as he could, Monty turned the wheel and drove into the hospital car park. He parked near the entrance, so Jo would not have very far to walk. And as if she was made of glass, Monty helped Josephine climb out the back seat. With a trail of water following her, the couple swiftly headed towards the sliding doors, the sound of their footsteps echoing in the empty, black night. Once they met up with Jo's doctor, Dr. Esther Matheson, she was ready to have her caesarean section. Despite the fact that Monty had seen a million reptile births, he couldn't bring himself to be physically in the room with her. He was just too squeamish about blood, organs and operations. So, instead, he scribbled the words, 'The bravest person doesn't have to be the strongest' on the palm of her left hand. He would be with her through those words, even when he didn't need to be. He kissed her gently on the forehead before she was wheeled into the operating theatre, and with a sigh, he sat silently in the waiting room with Gladys. He had gotten pale by the time Jo was out of sight, and he was shaking like a leaf with anxiety and fright. And after a while, he had to put his head between his knees to stop himself from feeling dizzy and faint.

" It's going to be all right. Isn't it?" he asked Gladys worriedly in a low, breathy voice.

Gladys clucked her tongue. " Oh, hush! These doctors perform C-sections everyday! Stop being such a pansy and grow a pair, why don't you? Josephine needs you to be strong for her."

Monty leant back, heaving a deep sigh, as he pressed his head against the wall. On the opposite side of the room, he spotted a young man of twenty years – more or less – smiling at him. The man gave him a little wave, which Monty returned somewhat shyly. Subtly, Gladys nudged him on the arm to urge him to strike up a friendly conversation. But the man did it for him.

" Hey," he called. " Name's Alan."

" Hello, Alan," Monty muttered shyly. " I'm Monty."

Alan moved to a nearer seat before he cheerfully asked, " Is this your grandkid being born, then?"

Monty and Gladys looked at one another, their eyebrows raised in both annoyance and disapproval. They knew their age gap closer than Monty's was with Josie, and they certainly didn't need reminding.

" No, it's my twin babies," Monty corrected. " It's my first time becoming a dad!"

Alan blushed. " Oh, gee, I'm sorry," he mumbled, shifting awkwardly in his seat. " Well, um, congratulations, anyway. Twins; that's…That's real interesting!"

Monty smiled. " Thanks. So, um, are you becoming an older brother today, then, or…?"

Blushing violently again, Alan let out a little breathless chuckle. " No, no, no, no!" he cried, laughing. " It's my girlfriend. She's having our little girl."

His eyes shining with whimsy and wistfulness, Monty beamed from ear to ear, showing all his teeth. " My girlfriend is having a little girl. A baby boy, too."

Alan smiled that same smile. " Girls are great, aren't they?"

Monty nodded, trying to swallow that great lump in his throat. He didn't fully understand why, but the thought of being a father to a girl seemed to make his heart swell and soar. Just then, Dr. Matheson burst in, still wearing her scrubs and mask. They all gasped in surprise, and Monty leapt to his feet, desperate to know news.

" They're here!" she announced excitedly as she ripped off the mask from her face. " Dakota and Cody are here!"

Monty suppressed the urge to bounce around the room with joy. Alan pathetically applauded in the corner. Gladys grinned from ear to ear in gratitude, thanking God for blessing her daughter with two precious infants. " How are they?" he asked. " How is Jo?"

" Jo is fine. Everything went perfectly. The kids are on their way to NICU," she replied with a smile.

Monty swallowed in worry. " NICU?"

Noticing the new father's concern, Dr. Matheson gave another smile. " It's nothing to worry about. They just have a little bit of fluid in their lungs. That should clear up in a few days."

" Really?" he gulped.

" Other than that, they're quite healthy."

Gladys placed a supportive hand on Monty's shoulder. " The doctors know what they're doing. Your babies are in good hands," she whispered softly to reassure him.

Looking back at her, the old man nodded his fire-red head. " Can I see them?" he asked Matheson.

She smiled, her lips parting, though she looked slightly saddened. " Let them rest for a while. In the meantime, there's a very exhausted new mommy for you to take care of."

Unsure, Monty turned around to try and find solace in Gladys, who, in such a gentle and motherly way, wrapped her arms around him. Monty made a small, inaudible noise of surprise as he had not been prepared for a hug, but after a few short seconds, he brought his hands up to hug her in return. The two family members parted and Monty could see that tears were trickling down the old lady's cheeks.

Gladys caressed his cheek and told him in a whisper, " What're you looking at me for? You don't need me. It's your time now. Go, be there with Jo."

Monty's Adam's apple slowly slid down below his collar as he swallowed, still harbouring that doubtful expression. He was a father. He had given life to two children. It was a thought that he couldn't quite get his head around. " OK. OK, um," he breathed.

" She's waiting for you, Monty," the doctor coaxed.

Then, almost taking everyone by surprise, a wide toothy grin spread across his face, bringing a shine to his eyes. " Yeah. I'm just gonna…"

He trailed off. Nothing else had to be said. Monty replaced that expression of uncertainty with determination. His chest quickly inflated and deflated before he made the brave decision to march into the operating theatre where his children had just been born.

In this nearly-deserted room, he hoped he would be able to see the babies, but they had been presumably already moved to the NICU. Instead, there was a good-looking youngish female nurse with her chestnut hair tied in a neat bun. She was standing quietly in the corner as she completed some jejune paperwork. When she spotted Monty by the door, she muttered a brief greeting before scurrying out to leave the couple in peace. To Monty's surprise, Jo was still awake, though a bit groggy, with her now-empty belly exposed. The scientist grimaced at the sight of the incision. It looked so sore and bloody and nightmarish. But in spite of all of that, there seemed to be an air of never ending blissfulness in Jo. She had tears gathering in her wide, bleary eyes, and Monty's heart swelled to a ginormous size as he felt himself fall in love all over again. He rushed to her bedside, and this was when they shared their first kiss as mother and father. He caressed her lips, chin and cheeks with his mouth as she flung her arms around his neck, breaking down in loud sobs of great, overwhelming emotion. There were no words exchanged. There was no need for any words to be spoken. It was just one man and one woman in this entire world.

Several hours later, the sun rose up from beneath the horizon, and people started to wake up to greet the last day of June. Jo had gotten some rest, and even though she was still ungodly exhausted, she was more than eager to meet the twins. With the kind help of a porter, Jo was wheeled down to the NICU in a wheelchair with Monty skipping along beside her. Among all the other ailing babies and their families, the friendly doctor who was in charge of this department escorted them to the right place. The infants were both sleeping soundly in their cots, their little chests rising and falling as the machines attached aided their breathing. Cody was the slightly bigger baby with longer, thicker hair and more feminine features, and she twitched every so often as she slumbered. In Monty's mind, he believed her to be dreaming about Jo's safe, cosy womb and how scary this big old world appeared to be. Dakota, though two minutes older, was visibly smaller and he virtually had no hair at all. This made Jo giggle. The little boy's wrinkly bald head reminded her of her father.

After they had spent some time together as a family, Gladys came swooping in with bouquets of attractive, sweet-smelling flowers and a bunch of pink and blue balloons with "It's a Girl!" and "It's a Boy!" written on them. And Jo was shocked to find her brothers trailing behind her.

" Colin. Derek!" she gasped. She stood up to the hug them both. " What are you doing here?"

Colin scoffed. " What kind of uncles would we be if we didn't want to meet our niece and nephew?"

" Yeah," said Derek. " We didn't see you for twenty one years until a few months ago. You think we'd miss the birth of your twins?"

Their sister lowered her head, her messy blonde hair dropping down in front of her face, as she suppressed the urge to cry. " Oh, you guys! You might just be the best brothers ever!"

A mischievous, toothy grin spread across Colin's youthful face. " Well, we, uh, try our best," he muttered smugly.

" My grandbabies," Gladys whispered wistfully as she gazed lovingly at them. The only person who heard was Monty.

" Don't expect more any time soon," he joked.

Gladys chuckled. " You know, at first I didn't like the look of you," she admitted.

" Oh, thanks!" he cried sarcastically, giving a roll of his eyes.

" But now I see how happy you've made my little girl. I'm proud that you're my son-in-law. Not only because you helped create these little darlings."

Suddenly, Dakota began to stir. Aimlessly, he wriggled his tiny arms about and he made a sweet little noise as he attempted to yawn. But then, it became clear that he didn't enjoy the sight of odd-looking giants towering above him, so he let out a startling wail. The entire party jumped in unison. Calmly, Monty scooped him up and started to rock him gently back and forth. But all the noise and commotion woke Cody up, and she, too, gave the same cry as her brother did. Feeling empowered and confident, he carefully picked his little daughter up. So, he ended up having each baby tucked in each arm. The watching group all cooed. The babies soon became comfortable and ceased their horrible wailing. Jo felt the need to cry again as she watched their father soothe them back to sleep. Because he had always seemed uncertain and awkward around newborns, she often wondered throughout her pregnancy if he would ever have the courage to hold them without any cushion or pillow to support them. But now she was sure that he would be the greatest father he could be for them. To anyone else who might've been in this scene wouldn't think seeing a father hold his two children was that magnificent, but in Jo's eyes, it was a sight that she would see in the back of her mind for the rest of her days.


	13. The Blissful Babies

As already proved by their somewhat dramatic entrance into this world, the newborn Montgomery twins persistently proved why they would later become affectionately known as a stubborn pair. Driven by the will to never give in, their weaknesses appeared to be nothing to them as they continued to thrive under the care of the hospital staff. And after they had spent two long weeks in the NICU, Jo and Monty's wishes were granted, and their stubborn pair was finally allowed to come home. At first, it was clear that settling into this strange new place was hard for these little infants. But in time, they grew to love their new surroundings, and they dared not stop flourish. Josephine was particularly amazed at how quickly they grew after this. She nearly had to purchase new clothes for them every week!

Monty plunged into his new role as 'Daddy' as if he had been a father for years. Everybody around him was blown away by how good he was with them – especially with Cody. It was clear that she shared his love for animals – even at a month old. Her favourite place in the whole house to play in was the reptile room. Her playmates? Tommy the Tortoise, the Incredibly Deadly Viper, and all the rest of the weird and wonderful creatures that resided there. Josie sometimes felt jealous that Cody would cry more for her daddy, but she bonded better with Dakota, who was the quieter baby with a head for books and grammar – though he was still too young to be able to read by himself; he just enjoyed looking at the pictures. She planned to teach him all she knew about books in the future, and she hoped that it might possibly influence his career choice.

But the Montgomery twins were not the only babies who were growing happy and healthy. Sixteen days after Jo had her caesarean section, Kit went into labour herself and she was blessed with the little girl she never thought she would ever have. This chubby blue-eyed, blonde-haired sweetheart was named Avril. With much protest from Dewey, Kit had named her after her favourite rock star. Now that they were both mothers at the same time, Kit and Josie's friendship only grew stronger, and their conversations would always drift to the subject of parenthood and how fabulous their infants were. And at the beginning of July, Esme announced that she was pregnant with her and Jerome's first child. Once it was out in the open, she felt that she was finally accepted in a group that all had one thing in common. She would often go to her two companions for advice or unload any worries or fears she had. Even though she had always been repulsed by the idea of having a child, Esme was beginning to see how wrong she had been, and this made her a better person as a result.

Towards the end of August when the twins were nearly two months old, Monty and Jo arranged an elaborate gathering at their house. Monty spent all afternoon barbecuing food in the back garden, and he set up a grand, inflatable slide to entertain the babies, and _everyone_ was invited. This largely included the Squalor couple and their unborn child, Lemony and R, Jacques, Kit, Josh, Dewey and Avril, Gladys, Colin, and his wife and son, and Derek and his three daughters. It was to be a true family party.

The boiling hot summer sun beating down on them, the large group of friends enjoyed their time away from being stuck indoors. They laughed, chatted to one another, exchanging amusing stories as they celebrated the start of all of these new babies' lives together. Gladys was busy entertaining her older grandchildren in a comfortable deckchair on the patio. Dewey made tedious small talk with Derek and Colin as a means to get to know them, all three of these men munching on overcooked burgers and chugging cans of cola – this was a family-friendly event after all. Jo was standing in a huddled circle with Esme, Jerome, Kit and Avril, Lemony and R and Josh. They were all hanging on Kit's every word as she told them the witty story of when she unexpectedly went into labour.

" You know, I never thought I'd have her before my due date," she began. She moved Avril into a different position because her arms were getting tired. She smiled and went on to mention, " But then again, Josh was pretty early. Not to mention, Lem here was _really_ premature. I dunno, like, by three months or something. I don't know." She shrugged subtly while Lemony shot her a dirty look. " I suppose I should've seen it coming," she continued, ignoring her younger brother, giving a roll of her emerald eyes. She smiled sheepishly, knowing that she should've known to have been prepared for Avril's unexpected arrival.

Supporting Dakota's head with her hand, a small, simpering smile formed on Jo's lips. " She was a surprise, then?"

" Yeah!" Kit giggled. " I was at the mall, actually, when I went into labour. I was so scared; I was all alone in this busy place…But the pain was worse! It hurt so much. I think it was worse than when I had Josh. Man," she muttered. She stared into space for a few moments with an almost miserable expression on her face. But Avril's sudden cries brought her back to Earth. Her mother began to quietly soothe her, her wails becoming wilder and stronger. Kit chuckled awkwardly. " Excuse me," she muttered briskly before walking away.

" I'm glad I don't have to go through that until February," Esme piped up, breaking the silence. She lowered her eyes to give her near-flat belly a worried look.

" Ohh!" Jerome butted in. " You'll be fine! You'll be the best mommy in The City!" he cried enthusiastically. He then wrapped his arms around her torso. " Hello in there, little guy!" he called lovingly. He gently ran his finger over his wife's navel.

This made all the women coo.

" Oh, Jerome!" R boomed. " That's so cute! Oh, Lemony, why can't you be cute like that?" she whined to her fiancé.

Lemony scoffed. " I stopped being cute _decades _ago," he retorted smugly.

Placing her hands on her hips, R's hazel-brown eyes did a gambol, and a mischievous smile formed in the corner of her mouth. " Aww, sweetheart. You'll _always_ be cute to me." She leant and lovingly pecked him on the cheek.

Lemony blushed violently as everyone around him gushed.

Across the luscious green lawn, amongst all the daffodils and sunflowers that grew there, the women's chatter became nothing but a low, indistinct hum. And, instead, what occupied this almost dreamlike place were a father and his infant daughter. Monty was laying flat on his back with Cody carefully perched on his beer belly. Without any cares in the world, the old man told her exciting, dramatic stories of his adventures. The young baby listened intently, hanging on his every word, as she daydreamed about all these exotic places. She didn't know how or when, but she knew that she would one day follow in his footsteps. And Monty could tell that this was what she was planning. Grunting with effort, he moved her to his lap as he sat up, crossing his legs as he did so.

He draped his arms around her, patting her blonde curls, and whispered, " One day I'll take you, darling."

Cody gave her father the biggest toothless grin she could muster, making a small babyish noise.

Giggling, Monty imitated her before he continued his story. " Well, Gustav and I walked for miles and miles, but we couldn't find our way back to the campsite, so we were _lost _in this _big_, dense rainforest without any food or water. But then, I felt something heavy push against my leg!"

Cody's smile faded slightly and her large bluish-grey eyes widened in concern. How would Daddy get out of this one?

" I looked down," Monty went on, " and guess what was coiled around my leg?"

Cody made another noise, indicating that she didn't know.

" THE INCREDIBLY DEADLY VIPER!" he boomed excitedly. Cody squealed with delight. " He was hissing at me like crazy and his fangs were _huge!_ Gustav was ready to shoot because we had _guns_, but then I realised I hadn't come across such a snake before. So I told Gustav not to shoot him. And you know what the snake did? He led us straight back to the camp! He saved our lives!"

Cody let out yet another noise. This one sounded eerily like a cheer.

" The team were so impressed with the snake that they made him a hero and they gave him a medal for bravery. But I was the one who got to own him because I was discovered him. I called him the Incredibly Deadly Viper, as you know, just to play a little prank on my colleagues."

Cody let out an infectious giggle. She had heard many hilarious things about that particular story, but Monty had yet to tell her in full detail.

Monty grinned and proceeded to tickle her. " Yeah!" he growled playfully. " Those idiots were scared outta their minds! Weren't they? Weren't they, Cody?"

" Monty? Cody?" came Jo's voice rising over the sunflowers.

The two animal lovers froze, both of their hearts racing. Jo had come to take Cody in for her afternoon nap. Cody _loathed_ the idea of naps. Aware of this, Monty was always more than happy to delay it for as long as possible.

" Cody?" Jo called out again.

Panicked, Monty's eyes darted around the garden to try to find a way to escape. Josephine was beginning to swoop in like a Black Widow. He spotted the fence, separating the Montgomery household from the farmland just outside. But before he could show Cody what he was going to do, it was already too late. With Dakota sitting on her hip, Jo stood next to a sunflower that was exactly her height. Her blue eyes shining brightly, a grin stayed firmly on her lips.

" And what, exactly, did you tell these old fogies?" she asked, chuckling. She stepped further into the enclosed space. " I'd like to hear that story again. I think Dakota would like to as well, wouldn't you, baby-pie?"

Monty's eyebrows shot up in disbelief. Even Cody looked confused.

" It's not time for bye-byes?" he asked tentatively.

Josephine shrugged her shoulders, still smiling under the August sunlight. " We're having a barbecue. It would be awful for them to miss out on all the fun," she answered. " May we sit down?"

Monty's words got stuck in his throat before he asked, " But what about our guests? Wouldn't be rude to leave them on their own like this?"

" They've gone to the living room now because Kit is putting Avril down to sleep in the nursery," she explained. " They're all preoccupied with playing card games, so I think we could get away with just a few moments on our own."

Monty smiled. " Oh, OK, then," he cried happily. He gestured to an empty spot on the ground. " Join us, please. The more, the merrier!"

Josephine sat awkwardly down. As she was wearing a dress that day, she didn't want to be unladylike. " You were saying?"

A huge, toothy grin spread across the old man's wrinkled face. He cleared his throat theatrically and put on his best storytelling voice. " Well!" he cried. " For _years_, my colleagues had been making fun of my name! It _always_ made me sad, and I always wanted to get my own back. I never had the opportunity until I found the Incredibly Deadly Viper. I knew it was my only chance, so it _had _to be a good prank! I planned to give a presentation…"

Avril continued to scream and wail, but Kit couldn't do a thing to get her to stop. After she had tried rocking her, Kit grunted a little as she held Avril upright, supporting her head with her hand.

" Ohh, I never had this problem with Josh," Kit mumbled in frustration. Avril's face was turning the colour of scarlet because she was screaming so much. " Why can't you just get to sleep, Av?" the frazzled mother pleaded.

Avril paused for only a few seconds to catch her breath. But then, at that precise moment, Kit swore she heard the distant, muted sound of Jo's laughter. Her interest piqued, she went to the window to see what was going on. At the bottom of the garden, there was the perfect picture of the ideal family. Avril cried more, but was immediately shushed by her mother. She pressed her finger against the glass, showing the little baby what she had just seen.

" Look, Avril. Look!" she whispered, smiling.

Avril looked and she instantly forgot the reason she'd been crying in the first place. For at the bottom of the garden, Monty was running around, waving his arms in a hysterical manner, and he was screaming as loud as he could. Jo was screaming along with him, but with tears of laughter in her eyes. But it was the twins that had caught Kit and Avril's eyes. Both of them could see the two tiny figures of the infants rolling about in the grass, giggling and laughing at their eccentric scientist father. Kit was glowing with the pride, and she felt tears well up in her eyes.

" You know," she began to tell Avril, " just a year ago, they didn't even know each other. Now look at them. Oh, isn't it fantastic, Avril? Oh, this _has_ been a series of romantic events very much indeed!"


End file.
